THE SPACEMOVIE

Angry Nerds

2011-11-19T19:02:00.005-06:00

The Social Network --- I watched that really contemporary movie called The Social Network. It should have been called "The Angry Nerds." I generally like David Fincher movies OK, and I liked this movie a fair amount. But I still think I hate Jesse Eisenberg. The thing is though, he may have been perfect for the role. Like sometimes when I hate an actor, I wonder if I'm really just hating the character that they are playing. In that case, maybe they are actually just doing a really good job of acting? I don't think I've ever liked a character he's played though, so let's just go ahead and say Jesse Eisenberg is an annoying little man. It's weird too because I generally like every Jewish actor in existence except like Ben Stiller and Jason Biggs. Oh my god, I just looked up Jason Biggs, and he's NOT JEWISH. Thank you, Yahweh.
Anyway, it was good casting to make him Mark Zuckerberg because they are both ANGRY NERDS. I am going to define a genre of men right now... It is a pretty gigantic genre of men, and it is getting bigger all the time. They are "The Angry Nerds who Hate Women." Angry Nerds are guys who girls never liked in junior high, high school, and probably most of college, and now they are completely terrified of and obsessed with women. The angry nerd's only purpose in life is to make a girl like him, and to exert some sort of sad dominance over another man. Since he is too dumb and too into Star Wars to figure out how to get a girl to be into him in any organic way, he uses his boring computer brain to figure out the one and only way he will ever get laid... By making a million dollars. In this way, he shall exact his revenge upon the World. They bury themselves in their job-things with the other horrible dorks and read A LOT of men's magazines. I don't know if you've looked at many of these "men's magazines," but they are literally just WOMEN'S MAGAZINES with pictures of women in them and an occasional interview with a basketball player. These dudes begin buying everything that GQ tells them is cool, and they essentially become a literal army of "straight" Carrie Bradshaws, chilling their wine in their special wine chiller, wearing their special bathrobe, and talking to each other about their iPhones. These dudes are more into flat screen TVs, cell phones, and iPods than homosexuals are into throw pillows. They become the exact same thing as a woman reading Cosmo and watching soap operas. Soon enough they go out and buy a Mercedes and find a really vapid bimbo who is into their money. After that it all gets way too predictable. I can't bear to go on about the Angry Nerds anymore. You get the point. Anyway, this movie is about like the King of the Angry Nerds. He basically started Facebook to spite a girl who was mean to him, and like is still a pathetic dork forever and ever... The End.

my Q's are fixed

2011-11-19T16:09:00.002-06:00

hey everybody, this guy Joe fixed my Q button. Look qqqqqq. Little q's. For like 3 years, my computer had a broken q button, and I could only do capital Q's. those days are over now. Bask in the glory of my unlimited lower case q's.
love,
alex

Colorado

2011-11-11T23:56:00.015-06:00

I'm not even going to begin to talk about how long it's been since I wrote anything or what I was doing. To quote Jacob Stewart, "It is unknown and unlawful." Yeah, I'm in Colorado. This place is hard to figure out. There are like at least 3 genres of Colorado dudes. I have only fully come to grips with 2 thus far:

1. There is the native Colorado dude. This guy is a total freak. He grew up in the wilderness. His parents grew weed in the 60's. OR, he is like a rancher who is NOT cool with hippies and drives a pick-up truck and hates the Government. He has A LOT OF GUNS. Notice the wild look in his eye.

2. The transplant. This guy is like this:
He is from like Wisconsin or something. If you ask this guy where he is from, his placid face will contort into a mask of pain and fright. He will say, "I've been here for a really long time." You will notice that this isn't what you asked him. You will pause, studying his face; he is being defiant. "Yeah but like where did you live before that?" You have broken a social contract. "I've been here for 20 years," he will say. Maybe give up now.
As far as I can tell there is a state-run contest to be the most legit Colorado local possible, and whoever was here first wins like a pair of North Face hiking pants? It's very strange.
It reminds me of what I've always assumed Alaska is like. I've never been to Alaska, but I lived in Seattle which is like the hologram of Alaska. (Don't think about this analogy too strenuously) Anyway, I've always sensed that Alaska is FULL of people who are running away from something in the "Lower 48." I'm guessing most of them robbed Brink's Trucks in 1977, and are now on the lam, living under false names like "Bruce." I get the same vibe from dudes I meet here. They are reluctant to talk about the past, seem slightly damaged and spooky, and are weirdly single for their age. Maybe they murdered their wives? In Iowa?
Now, these dudes have certain physical characteristics... They are oddly young-looking for their age, which is invariably 41. They are perfect genetically modified hybrids of a 25 year old and a 45 year old. They have messy, short hair with a tasteful amount of gray. They wear outdoorsy corduroy pants with some sort of fleece whose brand name I haven't yet come to terms with. Goddam right he's wearing Oakley's with that thing that keeps them attached to his head:

This man surprisingly has no beard, but wears a baseball cap from time to time. He has 3 tattoos. One is tribal, one is a compass, and one is a bird. He killed his wife!!!!!

I watched a lot of movies, but I only have the energy to talk about one right now, ok?

Attack the Block --- Man, you are thinking I hated this movie. It's about South London gangster kids who have to defeat alien invaders. You're wrong! It was charming. I'm becoming soft.

Cool White

2010-06-20T17:05:00.009-05:00

"This one's for Allah, and it's going way out there, suckaaa."
----- Ahmad from The Bad News Bears (1976, duh)

This is a special edition of The Spacemovie. This will be devoted to one man. A man named Cool White. This is a shout out bl-g and a profile of the man who is also a guy who is also a dude we know with a name...
and that name is Nathan "Cool White" Miller. The man Cool White is a man that I know, and ostensibly his name derives from some light bulb or something, but we all know the real meaning is more esoteric, more in tune with a higher language not known by men of this World. To name is to describe the essential nature and aesthetic soul of the thing. In fact, when one is near Cool White, one automatically becomes, by comparison, an Uncool shadow of themselves. They become a character named Uncool White (or Uncool Black, or Uncool Hindu, or whatever your particular race happens to be. For instance, I become Uncool Jew.)

Here, I will show you proof. Look what happened to my cup! I was casually drinking some water with Cool White, and suddenly it was all made very clear. Our cups were labeled for us by an unseen influence. Do you know who you are? I certainly know who I am now. I am UNCOOL. These words were not written by human hands, I assure you. These are the words of a higher Agency, the tenets of a higher Law. These are the dictates of The Ein Sof, the אין סוף, the Limitless One, the Unmoved Mover, the ού κινούμενον κινεῖ, and those are Judgements which cannot be challenged. Not even by Sonia Sotamayor.

Two Weeks Notice - I'm a sucker for Hugh Grant. I admit it. He's fucking charming, ok? He's like the posh, English Woody Allen. Think about it. This movie is exactly OK.

Bad News Bears (1976) - This movie rules the fucking school. First of all, I'll pretty much watch anything with Walter Matthau in it. This movie is one of the only things on the face of the Earth that could be considered "heart-warming" that I don't hate with all of my being. I'm not into anything where it says "inspiring" on the box. So it is a testament to this movie's amzingness that I find it not only heart-warming, but also "cute," and I don't to barf on it. I actually love it. It's hilarious and Burt Lancaster's son wrote it.

why?

2010-06-19T03:16:00.003-05:00

I just saw this sign in my neighborhood. There's something wrong with it.

All Cats are Gray - Comeback Tour 2010

2010-06-18T14:29:00.006-05:00

I was busy moving back and forth across the country compulsively, and I haven't written anything in many, many months. I'm sorry bl-g g-ds. Well, now I am feeling pretty settled here in Seattle, and I intend to renew the horrible experiment called The Spacemovie. Mainly because all of my fans are clamoring for it so intensely, and I can't sleep with them banging on my windows... So, on the count of 3.
1...2.....

"When all candles be out, all cats be gray" ---John Heywood

"All cats are grey in the dark" --- Benjamin Franklin

"In the caves all cats are grey" --- Robert Smith

All Cats are Gray is the best song by the cure. I decided to do some internet research to try to figure out what the title means... The Quote is attributed to Benjamin Franklin, and it is supposedly his explanation of why you should "take an older woman to bed." Well, some other guy said it before he did supposedly... Either way, a couple hundred years later, the Cure had a song called "All Cats are Grey," and it's their best song ever. My friend Dana told me in 1996 that this was her favorite Cure song of all time, and I kept meaning to listen to it for roughly ten years. I kept putting it off until a few months ago, when I finally got around to it, and I'll be damned if she wasn't right. It's their best song dooooood.

Here is an appropriately maudlin video with the song:

I saw many movies. Here's a few:

Paris is Burning
High Noon
The Hands of Orlac
Lizard in a Woman's Skin
Phase IV
The Terror

Some were good, I really can't review them all. Get off my back.

Pizza is...... OK

2010-02-07T23:27:00.011-06:00

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn - which translates to: "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."
--- HP Lovecraft

Today I was eating a salad, and I found this suspicious looking thing in it. It looked like a hair at first, but upon further inspection, I realized with growing alarm that it might be an antenna. It looks like a tube sort of with brown rings around it. I can't keep eating my salad until I know what's going on with this thing. It could be some sort of plant matter I guess. I am trying to ask the internet what an antenna is made of, but it's sort of not telling me what I want to know. The thing is, eating bugs is the worst thing that you can ever do in your whole life, and you have to avoid it all cost.

Sort of related is that I heard the most insane thing on BBC radio thing last night. They were talking about drone planes and the research the dot.gov is doing on robotic soldiers. They're trying to create robots who could go out and kill people for us. The best part of this is that they are working on one that uses organic fuel to sustain itself.

"It can refuel itself on long journeys by scavenging for organic material - which raises the haunting spectre of a machine consuming corpses on the battlefield.
Its inventor, Dr Robert Finkelstein of Robotic Technology Inc, insists it will consume "organic material but mostly vegetarian."

Do scientists just sit around watching the scariest sci-fi movies they can find and then turn in book reports on them? That's how they get their ideas? I really hope they make a bunch of man-eating robots and they (obviously) will go berserk and try to take over the world.

Blood in Blood out - This movie is the most epic thing I've seen since Lawrence of Arabia. It's way more entertaining than I thought it would be. The best is that they say the title of the movie in the movie... twice! So validating.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 : Secret of the Ooze ---

So good. So good. I was thinking... those turtles sure do love pizza. what's the deal with pizza? (seinfeld voice) Like how did pizza win out as the official food of partying? Liking pizza a lot is really what makes them "TEENAGE." Then Vanilla Ice was in the movie, and I was trying to figure out how we ever accepted him as a valid person in the 90's. What were we doing?

I am just a mirror.

2009-12-30T11:10:00.002-06:00

"So it's basically like the same thing as Sanka?"
--- Alex Daboub moments before his death

I went into Starbucks today and they had a huge display right next to the register of their new instant coffee that they make. I didn't know about this. Is this a thing? So I was a little surprised and curious about it, and I wanted to ask the Starbucks people about it. What I hadn't realized until today was this: Starbucks employees are essentially in a crazy cult just like Macintosh employees are in a crazy cult. I made some offhand comment about Sanka, and it was just like when Paul Watkins and Brooks Poston left the Manson Family. I got the crazy murder eyes from Charlie behind the counter. Only it was like an uptight homo version of Charlie with health insurance. The cashier guy and also the "barista" guy laid into me with this creepy scripted type response about how Starbucks had come up with a new process and it was nothing like Sanka. They HATE Sanka. Don't say Sanka up in there. It sort of seemed like I was the 100th person who said it and they were really starting to get sick of it. You might be wondering why I was in Starbucks in the first place? Well, the reason is that in Seattle everything closes at like 6PM (especially in the Winter) and it was the only thing open. And also Starbucks is interesting because it's like an on-going science project where you can witness a bunch of marketing techniques as they are developed in real time. It's like peeping down into a board meeting from outer-space. Even more so in Seattle because this is where Starbucks started, and people are incredibly reverential about coffee here. Maybe Sanka's really good? Ok, bye.

Also, I just found this article, which explains everything.

Lady in a Cage --- This movie stressed me out so much but maybe it's because I watched it directly after all of this Starbucks shit went down. It's about a lady who gets trapped in her private elevator in her mansion. James Caan and a bunch of other criminals come and ruthlessly fuck with her and it's brutal. There's a lot of good melodramatic acting and cage symbolism. The prison is your mind, man.

Manson: In prison? What prison? You got a prison in your mind? You see what I'm saying? You're in prison, son. You're the one that's in jail because you think there is such a thing as a prison.

OUISCH

2009-12-27T12:01:00.006-06:00

"Part of the plan for escaping during Helter Skelter reQuired the purchase of a very expensive gold rope that cost about three dollars a foot, and Charlie wanted a truck eQuipped with a winch and thousands of feet of this golden rope in order to dangle the Family down into the Hopi Hole during the end of the world." --- Ed Sanders from The Family

I feel like I should have already gone through this phase about 10 years ago, but I am in the middle of an intense Charlie Manson kick. As I read more and more about Charlie and The Family, I am starting to realize that I can't put this off any longer... I have to choose my favorite Manson Girl. After weighing considerable amounts of data, I have decided to go with Ruth Ann "Ouisch" Moorehouse. She has the coolest nickname and she didn't actually stab anyone. Those were my two reQuirements. Oh, and she put LSD in someone's hamburger to keep them from testifying in court. I'm always in favor of preventing testimony.

The Land that Time Forgot --- 1975 movie based on a book by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Lost at sea World War I sailors find a never explored island near the South Pole which still has dinosaurs and cavemen living on it. So good that I'm going to go watch it again right now. Bye.

Ouisch Ouisch

Cows, Flags, Run-DMC, Cannon Films

2009-10-31T02:24:00.016-05:00

"Whiskey is now tested by the distance a man can walk after tasting it. The new liQuor called Tangle Leg is said to be made of diluted alcohol, nitric acid, pepper, and tobacco, and will upset a man at a distance of 400 yards."
--- Sir Richard Burton, The City of the Saints

I'm working on a movie in Dallas, and like all the movies I've worked on here, we're shooting in an abandoned ranch-house. So there are a lot of cows randomly wandering around while we're shooting and I can't stop looking at them. They have hypnotic powers. I find myself staring into their eyes, and attempting to contemplate their unfathomable souls. I think I understand why the Hindus like them. They are the zen masters of the barnyard.

Before I left Seattle I noticed that there are a lot of crosswalks which have these buckets of orange flags on either side. These are for people to pick up and use to alert cars that they are crossing the street. These Seattle people truly have no shame. Safety first!

There is this stencil-graffiti near my parents' house in Dallas that I have always really liked. I don't even like graffiti; I think it's the gayest poseur shit ever invented for white people to do. However, this one has always appealed to me. Really I just like it so much because I'm amazed that it has been there, undisturbed, for something like 20 years at least. Every time I come to Dallas I go by and make sure they haven't torn down that wall or that some little fuck-face hasn't tagged some scribbly bullshit over it. It is the bedrock of my life, and I'm pretty sure I'll die the day they tear down the wall.

Lifeforce --- I've been trying to watch a lot of the Cannon Group films. They were a production company started by these Israeli Jews named Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. They were basically responsible for every over-the-top awesome bad action movie of the 70's and 80's, including a movie called Over the Top which is a movie written by Sylvester Stallone about competitive arm-wrestling. Lifeforce is about space-vampires and the first third or so of the movie is a naked lady.

Over The Top --- Rather boring movie considering how excited I was to see it again. ( I saw it in the theater in 1987.) Sly Stallone plays a truck driving competitive arm-wrestler who is trying to reconnect with his son. He has a special arm-wrestling move called OVER THE TOP.

Cobra --- Oh yeah. Stallone wrote this too. I think he has the intellect and interests of an eight year old boy. He gives himself all of these dumb looking weapons and guns that look made up and like something a 15 year old nerd would draw. Dude has to track down a murder-cult(cool.)

Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus

Cats with Jobs

2009-08-25T02:35:00.004-05:00

"All plans between men are tentative."
--- Jerry Seinfeld

I can't avoid talking about this anymore... My favorite thing in the world is when you go to some business and a cat lives there. This usually happens at places like book stores, but in Seattle it seems to happen in all kinds of places. Why is it so good? I think it's because it blurs the line between the worlds of commerce and non-commerce, home and work. You're out in the non-home scary world but then surprise you're also in a cozy living room with adorable kittens running around? Madness. What is what? Everything is permitted.
Also, do the cats stay there all night after the place closes? Do they live at work? I mean, what do you do; you have one at work and one at home? That seems creepy. You have cats in shifts? Work-cat clocks in, home-cat clocks out. What if they find out about each other? Jealousy.

I took this photo at night through the window of a safe-store. I think it's a safe-store. Anyway, there was a cat sleeping in there, and it looked like he broke into a safe. And then fell asleep.

It's even better when cats have a job. I want to hire a cat as my agent...

"Mr. Sniffles, did you get me that job on the new Spike Lee film? Oh hi, Alex, sorry it took so long to get back to you, I've been in LA for two weeks... meow"

Jerry Seinfeld - Comedian --- I've been going through this intense Seinfeld phase. I bought his book Seinlanguage, and it's SO GOOD. I'm serious. Look:

deal with that.

He's like a fucking philosopher. I can't believe he's so widely popular because he's soooo Jewish. People like Jews? I have a theory that he taps into the inner Jew of non-Jews, and they don't even know it. He literally has rednecks in Iowa eating bagels unwittingly and saying things like "Again with the cow-milking?" But the movie is a whole-nother thing. It's a documentary about him after the show Seinfeld is over, and he goes back out onto the road and tries to put together a whole new stand-up routine. Really interesting if you like comedy and stand-up comedy. You get to hear him say bad words, and also you hear Bill Cosby say "shit." So good. Plus, you see him hanging out with his wife. She's so Jewish, and I'm proud of him for not marrying some blond-shiksa-LA-bimbo. Sorry bimbos.

there's some problems...

2009-08-22T00:59:00.008-05:00

"You are now admiring my beauty, which has overwhelmed many a woman, but sooner or later, you'll regret ever having given your love to me, for you do not know my soul." --- Maldoror

end of the world photo series: Seattle edition.

OK. this one isn't too bad. It has a sort of 3rd-world vibe that makes it pretty acceptable. Earth mother, I can dig it. Mother and Child Reunion, brother.

Then you have this little guy. I see these fucking dads walking around Seattle with their coffee, and their dogs, and they have baby-childs strapped to their fucking chests with crazy holsters and straps. "Having a child shouldn't get in the way of my normal routine." First of all sir, you literally have no balls left. I mean I'm like half-gay, but compared to these guys I'm essentially the eQuivalent of 5 million beer cans being crushed onto my own head forever on a loop in slow motion. You have NO DIGNITY SIR.

this is called the babybjörn or something. there is a lot of Scandinavian influence in Seattle. A good and bad thing. There is a horrible tendency amongst yuppies in general to get boners over anything from Sweden right? cars, furniture, etc. this is just that taken to its logical pussy-whipped Apocalyptic end. This guy really gets to me. He's a peach.

Ok I just found this while I was looking for the other photos. Did I miss this before? This has to be a joke? You people are getting OUT OF CONTROL. You have baby growing out of your chest? Lady, come on, please come on. Get on board with us. You're on the wrong train. You're going the wrong way. Where are you going? You're slipping away into a bad place.Bye, she's gone.

Stone --- Australian biker movie. Good. Duh. There is a part where this guy in an eye patch invokes satan which is the best thing i've seen in a while. it's at 0:55 in the trailer.

this movie reminded me of the simple joy of a 2 wheeled motor thing. I definitely need a pre-midlife-crisis motor bike. not necessarily a motorcycle but i need 2 wheels plus engine. i dont know why its so good, but it taps you in directly to the power of god. i can't explain it.

Fuck Indie Movies' Butts

2009-07-31T02:02:00.007-05:00

If I see one more doodle-drawing fucking sQuiggly gay trailer for an indie movie about a wacky misfit who finds love I'm going to punch Dave Eggers in the cunt. Dave Eggers has a cunt and he is his own cunt. It's complex.

2 kinds of people in the world:

When I retire to Maine to write my memoirs

2009-07-25T11:45:00.000-05:00

"I am the Author of certain memoirs"
--Anonymous

The secret to writing your memoirs is that you don't ever have to actually write your memoirs. If you come up with some good titles you are 99% there. You can make yourself sound really distinguished with the proper title...

I Figured Out Where Jesus Was Hiding: The Alex Daboub Story

Don't Forget to Floss: The Alex Daboub Story

I didn't know I had a Cousin: The Alex Daboub Story

You see what I mean?: The Alex Daboub Story

You see what I mean? You can write anything. It has weight when it's memoirs.

Under the Volcano --- Again I watched this. This time because I'm so far from Mexico and I miss the little guy. Good movie; drinking yourself to death never looked so good.

False Daboubs

2009-07-22T09:05:00.002-05:00

"This is the real Daboub"
--Daboub

You can tell the real Daboub by his fur. Scientists have recently noticed that false Daboub sightings can be avoided by noting the differences in fur-color between individuals. Daboubs are basically tawny colored animals, but false-Daboubs have spots that fade as they grow.

Twin Peaks

2009-07-09T00:13:00.003-05:00

"Don't mix the compost with the recycling"
---The Governor

I saw the Twin Peaks Waterfall, and I had coffee at the Twin Peaks diner place. Bob tried to rape me. He's silly! There were old people there. I bought a Twin Peaks map for 2 dollars from a high school student. It was basically written in crayon and had no relationship to the Earth- realm. I saw some stuff. It's paradise here: I'm rich, there's candy everywhere, fruit is freeeeeeeee, China town exists, I play Galaga. Water is wet.

The Space Needle is ubiQuitous and all powerful in this city. It is a looming nightmare that haunts every resident of Seattle. It is somehow around every corner, visible from every window in your house, underwater sometimes, and isn't properly adjusted for distance or perspective. I'm scared of it, and I think everyone else is too. It has Occult properties that I haven't come to terms with yet.
Frasier --- I OD'ed on the PNW at the moment I was drinking coffee and watching Frasier in Seattle. All the characters are introduced within the first 30 seconds of the pilot. It's brilliant. I have no idea what to say about Frasier. He's the doctah.

I ate Glass?

2009-06-29T00:00:00.005-05:00

"I ate glass"
---Alex "Bolo" Daboub

I haven't written in forever. I think I'm brain dead. All I think about is money and jobs and getting jobs and whether I have too much time to think about jobs.

Cooked some noodles. I bought this dubious paste from an Asian grocery store named "black bean chili." Andrew told me to. I cooked a recipe he gave me that involves noodles and shrimp and vegetables. So I cooked it, and it tasted really great, but I wasn't banking on biting into literal GLASS. There are pieces of ground up glass in it. No jokez. I blame the black bean chili paste because it's from China, and China is mostly glass. Fuck you China! Cheenore. First Tiananmen SQuare and now this. You're really blowing it.

F.T.W.

The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years --- Obviously good. Why even ask? L.A. is sleazy. L.A. used to be more sleazy by a factor that is incalculable. This movie is about hair-metal dudes. It's the bottom of the barrel of culture. It's just like The Decline of Civiliztion Part 1 but no one ever says anything funny or smart. (except Lemmy from Motorhead)

More About What Southern Blacks Eat

2009-06-18T01:08:00.005-05:00

“Cannabis is the Divine Inheritance given to all people by Mother Earth so that we may unlock the mystery of the many and varied messages of the Pure One”
--- uhhhhhh,I don't know. John F. Kennedy??

I'm here to talk to you about polk salad, aka poke, pokebush, pokeberry, pokeroot, polk salat, polk sallet, pokeberry, or inkberry. Jesus, stop naming it already. Of course, this is another thing Andrew told me about. This should just be his blag and not my blagh. In any case, the pokweed is an herb which grows in the southern United States, ya heard me. It contains deadly poison. Back in the olden days black folks and southerens didn't have too much to eat. Somehow they figured out that if you boiled pokeweed like a million times it removed enough of the deathpoison that they could choke it down. They decided to call it polk salad and poke and about 500 other names. Isn't that bonkers? Some people decided that it had medicinal properties, and I totally agree. Also, the fucking United States Declaration of Independence was written in pokeweed-berry-juice-ink, so show some respect. Jesus. It's called wikipedia, deal with it.
Oh, and this too:

90210 --- Brandon, that fucking cad, of course tries to have ANOTHER romance with an inappropriate chick. This time it's a woman of undetermined middle-age who turns out to be dating a married sports promoter. Oh Brandon, when will you ever learn? As usual, if he would have listened to Dylan's cryptic advice about her, he could have saved himself a lot of gay-heartbreak. Just start listening to Dylan, idiot. He's like a surfing Confucius with a sports car. Dylan, in an occult death-pact with Allah, surfs too close to the sun and nearly bites it. He ends up with broken ribs, hanging out in his gay pajamas, and in Brenda's house because Mrs. Walsh feels sorry for him. I mean, he's practically a bastard-child. Most mystics are. What's happening to me?

Whatever Works --- Uh, I just heard that Larry David is the star of the new Woody Allen movie. This could be the defining cultural moment of my life or a total disaster. I'm sceeeered.

Some Things to Think About

2009-06-16T15:44:00.017-05:00

"Haile Selassie I, the former, and final, Emporer of Ethiopia is the incarnation of God, called Jah or Jah Rastafari"
--- My Mom

Black folks often will say "Ya heard me?!" in New Orleans after a sentence. Like, "I want to eat some rice, ya heard me!?" It's the eQuivalent of white folks who say, " I want to eat some seaweed, ya know what I mean?!" Which brings me to another point: black folks eat rice. I heard southern blacks eat a lot of rice. For some reason this really surprises me. I just can't imagine it. So, are black people in the South the new Asians? Then what are Southern Asians eating? Do they eat carrots? Who eats carrots? What do carrots eat?

I live on the 2nd story of this house in Seattle. There's a lot of weirdos who pass under my windows all day. Most of them wear little skateboards as a hat and obscure their faces with peanut butter. Some of the bigger ones are making toast to pay off their student loans.

Dixie Dynamite --- Warren Oates is this drunk guy who races motorcycles for money. His friend makes moonshine all day and has two sexpot southern daughters who run around in little shorts and pigtails. All pretty straightforward so far, right? So the man comes down on the father and kills him in a shootout involving the feds. Uh, then a bunch of other shit happens to the daughters until they get pushed OVER THE EDGE, son. At that point, they steal a couple of motorcycles and a bunch of dynamite, and they go on a Bonnie and Bonnie style crime spree across the South blowing shit up with the dynamite. Can you imagine a better plot for a movie than that? And then Oates is like, "Fuck The World."

Head North West pt. 2

2009-06-14T19:53:00.004-05:00

Redwoods. Northern California. Taken by a wood nymph.

There was a lot of this.

My only friend. Going 80 and taking a picture is hard.

Head North West

2009-06-14T19:29:00.005-05:00

"There is no god but God, Mohammed is the one true prophet."
---Shahada

So I drove from L.A. to Seattle alone, and it was EPIC. There were times when I thought I had always been driving my whole life, and that that's all there ever was. I slept in my car somewhere in the Redwoods area of Northern California. I had to wait until it was getting light though, because it's so terrifying, secluded, and Quiet out there. I was sure bigfoot or a serial killer would immediately snatch me up if I stopped in the night. I stopped relatively often just to walk out into the woods or down onto some beach. I collected:

2 rocks from the beach in Southern California
1 pine cone from Big Sur
some mysterious good smelling plants from the side of the road
1 fern frond from the redwoods

If I would have kept driving, I'm pretty sure my car would have been filled with plants and rocks. By what magical mechanism did I take all of these shameless photos of myself?

I'm in L.A.

2009-06-10T02:23:00.006-05:00

"If you stare too long into the abyss, eventually the abyss will begin to stare back"
--- (something like that, I'm paraphrasing) Fred Nietzsche

I'm half way to Seattle. Stopped off in L.A. for few days. Toby and I stopped in Joshua Tree:

Joshua Tree is a weird alien landscape like you're literally on Mars. It's bad-butt.

Now I'm in L.A. There's all these damn plants here. So much luxuriating plant life that it's hard to know how to handle it. There is this duality though where everything in L.A. seems overgrown with the sheer abundance of plant-life spilling over everywhere, but at the same time, it seems to all be dying away and unhealthy. I guess it's partly because nothing here grows naturally. It's supposed to be a big dead desert, but they artificially threw a crazy city here anyway. Like the city is overgrown with vibrant plants that are also all dying. I brought this up to my friend, and he told me that it is rumored that all palm trees in L.A. are supposed to be dying in the next few years. The story goes that all the palms were planted roughly 70 years ago, and that is also about the expected life-span of those trees. So they are all starting to die off. Could be a total lie.

So tomorrow I'm leaving for Seattle with possible stops in Big Sur and places like that. I wanted to go The La Brea Tar Pits and throw in a microwave or something. If you translated "The La Brea Tar Pits" into straight English, it would be: "the the tar tar pits." I've told this joke 100 times today.

Also there are more ads for more movies here than anywhere else I have ever seen in my life combined. Toby said it's like preaching to the choir. I certainly don't get it. I'm sure it's some sick incestuous Hollywood marketing thing where they have to prove to themselves that they are really trying. They have to justify their own exorbitant advertising budgets to the other suits, and that. I imagine some dudes driving around in convertibles deciding whether some other guys in convertibles are doing a good enough job with all the ad money for Transformers 2. If they subliminally see enough bill boards and bus ads then they feel pretty good about things, and they can comfortably go back to thinking about speed boats.

Ace of Spades

2009-06-06T00:34:00.001-05:00

"You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live forever"
---Lemmy

I'm driving to Seattle tomorrow forever or a while, or something. Well in any case, I'm leaving Austin once again for an unknown amount of time, maybe forever. The last thing I have to deal with is moped. I need money really bad, and I don't know how I'd get it up there, but it's just so fun ride a 2-wheeled motor thing. It helps if you sing the lyrics to Ace of Spades in your head and be really reckless. How can I recreate that feeling if I sell? I'd have to drive my car with my head out the window, or something. I'm so confused.

Nashville --- So murky and brown and 70's that it's like a brown murky 70's pool of slop. I mean that in the best possible way. It's one of those Altman movies that are just of bunch of weird shit happening instead of like a plot broken up into scenes. Jeff Goldblum plays a silent weirdo who does magic tricks and drives this:

The movie is roughly about Nashville in the 70's, including the world of country music and all of that biz. Elliot Gould makes an appearance as the actor Elliot Gould. Meta-Gould.

Austin --> L.A. --> Seattle -->

2009-06-01T18:06:00.006-05:00

"Either you dig me or you don't"

--- Keanu Reeves

I'm in Austin making final preparations to leave for Seattle. Does anyone want all of my belongings in the world? On Friday, Toby and I are heading West in my car, and I'm dropping him of in L.A. where he will become famous. I'm going to hang out in L.A. for a few days, try to locate everyone who was in The Decline of Western Civilization, and then drive onwards to Seattle. I want to stop at the following places:

White Sands, New Mexico
Joshua Tree
Big Sur
Yosemite
Some rich lady's house

Are there other places between here and Seattle that are worth visiting? I'm open to suggestion. Also, if someone wants to name an object that they need, maybe I have it, and I'll give it to you. I'm trying to be completely merciless and get rid of as much of my stuff as possible. I'm toying with the idea of selling my moped as well, even though the idea of losing it is like a dagger to my heart.

Communion --- So good that I've now seen it three times in about a month. It walks a fine line between absurdity and genius. Still can't do a good Walken impersonation. It's infuriating. One of the best parts is when Walken asks one of the aliens if he can smell him. "Can I smell you? Are you old?" So good.

Diabolical Signature

2009-05-27T12:46:00.005-05:00

"A diabolical signature is the signature of a devil, demon or similar spirit, usually used in order to sign your soul away."
--- My Attorney Barry Silverman

So I just finished working on this reality show called "Camping with the In-Laws." It's going to be for Lifetime. They made me sign this:

That seems normal right? It's written in backwards Latin and several demons' names are listed. I guess I should have a lawyer look at it. All I know is that it's over, I'm slightly richer, my soul slightly deader, and my back hurts a lot.

Communion --- Christopher Walken playing a writer in New York who keeps getting abducted by aliens, and they touch his bottom. Really cool. This is the most Walken I've ever seen Walken get. It's like a Walken overdose. I have been trying so crazily hard to master an impression of him and it is literally impossible. His true nature is elsusive. His speech pattern is bizarre-o. It's like part Brooklyn tough guy but with this alien weirdo delivery like he's choking or something. It's so frustrating. I wish there was a class at Austin Community College devoted to mastering Walken. The movie has hilarious lines where Walken is talking to aliens and being carted off to their spaceship. The aliens themselves look really cool, and are not CGI or any gay shit like that. Good movie.
Note: Walken wearing underwear and cowboy boots.

Everyone: Get Gayer

2009-05-15T23:27:00.002-05:00

"Je suis l'Empire a la fin de la decadence - I am the empire at the end of the decadence" --- Paul Verlaine

Here is a visual representation of what Seattle is like:

Add to this: women mowing lawns with electric lawnmowers, men cowering in fear, glasses, 35 year olds doing cabaret on every block, good beer, responsibility, famed Subarus, bicycle helmets, precocious children, new wave hot dogs, heavy metal, recycling, luxuriating plant life, beards, early bedtimes, the Devil, wee-wee, and hummus and you've it pretty much figured out.

It's like the good guys won and they don't have anything to fight for anymore so they turned into fat mush, and they enforce insane regulations on each other for kicks. It's Animal Farm.

I got on the internet today... ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!! I am the future. Cower before me! It's a thing. You can do it too. It costs money but it is the future.

Track of the Cat --- Robert Mitchum chases a black panther (actual panther) around with a gun for 1 whole movie. His family stays behind and talks about stuff and drinks whiskey. Really good. Technicolor. If I wasn't so tired, I could say smart stuff.

I need a Job

2009-05-04T18:10:00.010-05:00

AUDIENCE MEMBER: I wanna know what you are trying to contribute to society.
EL DUCE: Well, I'll tell ya. A bunch of illiterate children. Children without a father.

Shows here in Seattle all start at 8 PM and they cost between 12 and 15 dollars, at least. It's fucked. It's symptomatic of how people here are pussies in some ways. Also they are a bunch of highly educated white people who feel so guilty all of the time that their whole lives consist of worshiping: gays, rap-music, stupid fucking graffiti "art", liberated female sexuality, and they let their children be their bosses. This place is turning me into a reactionary NRA member. I mean 2 of that list of things are pretty good, but when you get a bunch of sQuares with Subarus together to watch some ugly girls do Cabaret, it can get bleak.

Ninth Configuration --- Fuck it. I can't explain. Not good but has biker scene at end. If you have to watch any of this, make it the end.

Beverly Hills 90210 Andrea Zuckerman is growing on me. Brandon is a total fag (which means straight). Dylan reads Lord Byron and is a surfing hard-ass. Brenda did stand-up comedy, it was DUMB.

Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? --- Oh man, what a piece of crud. This is one of the worst things ever. Total 60's self-indulgent madness from one of the most most unlikeable people I have EVER seen on a screen of any kind ever. I was warned that this was bad, but I had no idea. Highlights: Milton Berle dressed in red robes holding a headless sacrificial chicken.

Caged Heat --- Best thing that the hack Jonathan Demme ever did. Probably one of the most canonical of the "women in prison" movies. Less boobs and girl-fighting than one would expect. Not bad.

Get Gorp

2009-05-03T11:30:00.005-05:00

"...whores, all of them. Decadent little monsters, I need to find me some loose ass, I love women."
--- El Duce, from The Runnin' Kind

There's an unusually large number of cults and weird UFO worshipers up here in this neck of the woods. Just an observation we've made.

The Runnin' Kind --- Another LA punk rock movie. This one's about a guy who is a yuppie college student in Akron, Ohio who meets a punk chick and moves to LA. These movies always remind me of how weird and cool LA can be. The best part is when El Duce makes a cameo appearance as a drunk guy at a sleazy punk party. The main guy turns out to be such a homo non-punk that it's pretty hilarious. He is supposedly hanging out with the grimiest punks in LA, but he's all worried about his mommy seeing him with a mohawk or something. Then he gayly decides he wants his friend to take his picture so he can "remember this night forever."

Beverly Hills 90210 --- My friend Andrew has every episode on some bookleg discs he got from the internet gods. Did you know that if you buy the official DVD release of this, they took all of the original music out and replaced it with modern day lame-ass Nelly and bullshit like that? Like they thought modern audiences couldn't hang with listening to 90's music. That's the whole point of the show is to immerse yourself in the culture of being an early 90's high-school student and burying your face in the bossom of Brenda Walsh. So as far as I can tell, you have to get behind Steve Sanders early on.

Craigslist

2009-05-01T18:56:00.002-05:00

"Devil, get thee behind me." --- Jeebu

So, I'm a weird Craigslist creep now. In the past week I have bought: a bicycle, 3 super 8mm projectors, and a ticket for My Bloody Valentine. Who am I? Seattle! Let go of meeeeeeeeeee.

I heard on the radio about these dudes from the 50's called the Brooklyn Thrill Killers. They were 4 Jewish teenagers who were neo-Nazis, and they had Hitler mustaches. They got really into going to the park and attacking people with bull-whips. What? Then they killed a couple of people and 2 of them went to jail. They were influenced by comic books. I think this is reason enough to ban any future production of those brain-dead comic book movies the kids seem to love so much. I can't tell yet if it's cool to be a neo-nazi Jew. I'll try it this week and get back to you.

Six Thousand Dollar Nigger a.k.a. Super Soul Brother --- So Zach and Lars from The Alamo Drafthouse were here this weekend on some movie-showing tour. This movie was ridiculous. It was like an even more low-budget Dolemite with a poor-man's Rudy Ray Moore, this guy Wildman Steve. Pretty sleazy and fun.

Deadly Spawn --- Another really low-budget movie, but way different. This one's a favorite of nerds and horror weirdos. It's the standard slimy aliens eating people formula, but they did some legitimately cool stuff with it.

Dudes

2009-04-29T16:11:00.003-05:00

"They don't like it when you watch their women eat" ---Alex Daboub

I saw a black cop riding a segway here, and I just felt bad for his mama. I wanted to cry for her.

Leah told me it bothered her that in Austin there are dudes named Austin, which is a thing, but what if I meet a dude here named Seattle? What could happen?

Dudes --- Jon Cryer playing a sort of unconvincing punk in the vein of Penelope Spheeris' other punk movies Suburbia and The Decline of Western Civilization. This movie starts out so strong and then sort loses it half-way through. Flea is in the 1st third, and he plays a legitamtely charming punk dude. The idea for this movie is some punks go the wild west and have to become gun fighting cowboys. It's supposed to be like a punk rock western. It doesn't Quite work somehow, although it's a really good idea. Lee Ving plays the villain, which is fun. Cryer's a homo.

Sherman Williams: Please Calm Down

2009-04-26T11:05:00.000-05:00

We all know by now that I am reasonably assured about the Mad Max End of the World Scenario 2.0.

My friend Andrew pointed this out to me:

That's Andrew cowering in fear.

Sherman Williams is a paint company who apparently plans to literally cover the entire Earth with red paint. This seems like a really overly ambitious business model to me. What kind of megalomaniac CEO do they have over there?

"No!!!! We must cover the entire fucking Earth with paint!!!! Heil!!!! Red paint, you cowards! We must load it into canons and fire it across the ENTIRE globe!! Nothing short of a literal ocean of red paint will satisfy me!"
---- Christopher M. Connor, Vice-Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Sherman Williams Paint Co.

Seattle's Alright If You Like Subarus

2009-04-24T17:28:00.006-05:00

New York's Alright If You Like Saxaphones --- by FEAR Song

Here's what Seattle looks like:

Bellingham, WA

2009-04-23T20:05:00.000-05:00

"You guys look like a bunch of faggots to me."
--- Drunk Native American guy to me and 2 friends in Bellingham, Washington

This past weekend I went to Bellingham, WA to visit my friend Jacob. It's cool there. It's like a really small, super-hippie, University town with lots of weird-whites. Supposedly, a whole bunch of serial killers are from there. There are a bunch of drunk Indians on the streets and weird meth-ie kids hanging around downtown being icky. There is an awesome place where they only sell potato or beef pireogi's and the only other thing in there is a record player and tons of dollar-bin records. You can change the records as much as you want. It's cool.
Here's pictures:
this is the place. very simple.

Detail of records and record player.

Dabob Bay and other P.N.W. Things

2009-04-21T12:40:00.002-05:00

" Mother of this unfathomable world! Favour my solemn song, for I have loved
Thee ever, and thee only..."
---Creature

There's this bay up here called Dabob Bay. I'm pretty sure that when I die I have to be buried there in a Viking funeral where they put me in a boat, push me out into Dabob bay, and then 30 tons of dynamite is detonated, and I'm buried at sea.

So, the people here are WEIRD. Every single person is some white joke in fashion glasses. It's so North Face-ie up in here. Literally every other car is a Subaru station wagon. It's starting to make me really reactionary. Like I knew even before I got here that I had to play up my Southern-ness, but I now I'm thinking I have to become a full-on, right-wing separatist. They have a statue of Lenin on the street here, which is cool, but also makes me want to own a rifle and wear a bear skin outfit on the bus. Oh, and the white people are CRAZILY breeding up here. What the fuck? Everywhere else in the world, the whites are voluntarily dying off, and the Mexican and black teens are shooting baby-lazers everywhere. Not here my friend. The whites are so incredibly self-assured that they are wildly reproducing. Ew, it's gross, but for every bad thing here, my violent opposition to homo-whiteness becomes more intense and fun. There are a lot of really cool things here too. The food seems really good, there is like every type of Asian food ever on every corner, there is Afghan food, Cuban food, every food, and lots of good hippie foods for me to eat. There's this large body of water called "The Sea." Ok, it's more like a bay, but still. Unlike Texas, the Northwest has more than 3 types of plants. In Texas, there's like 2 kinds of trees and then there's grass. That's it. And finally, all around the city there are huge looming mountains in the distance. I think it's good to have at least one impossibly huge natural phenonena where you live. It's necessary to have a sense of the infinite close at hand. Without this, we go mad. Mountains work; the ocean works; the NY skyline sort of works in a backwards way I think. I'm not sure about that one.

The Great Escape --- This is one of those old-fashioned war movies where war is portrayed as some kind of fun joke. The Nazi's send Steve McQueen to solitary confinement for 20 days? No problem, he has a baseball glove and ball. It's like Hogan's heroes or something. It's pretty fun to watch though. I officially don't hate it or something.

Sir Mix a Lot: representative of Seattle

2009-04-19T15:25:00.007-05:00

"The Gods so loved him while he dreamed"
---Browning (Yeats?)

Sir Mix a Lot is from Seattle:

Motherfucker uses the Space Needle as his microphone. What a hard-ass. I had this tape when I was in junior high, so everything has finally come full-circle.

AC/DC: Let There be Rock --- I'm not a huge fan of this band, but when their singer was still Bon Scott they were hilariously the most rock and roll entity that has ever existed. The man is a big drunk Australian hick with a denim vest. The extent of his song writing is to either compare himself to electricity or explosives and then tell you how hard you are about to rock.

turkey leg bone fence & ambiguous seattle sign

2009-04-10T14:07:00.000-05:00

"Fuck this. Let's go do some crimes" ---Duke

I went out to West Texas for a job about a week before I came to Seattle. We pulled over at one point to shoot these oil wells and desert and I saw a strange thing: there was a dried out turkey or chicken foot attached to the fence. It looked like this:

and this:

What is this? Is this voodoo? I was thinking maybe it was crazy black magic to keep people away from the oil wells? I didn't go in there because I don't want the heebie-jeeeebers. Does anyone know if I'm going to die now from looking at it?

Also: now I am in Seattle, and I saw this weird sexually ambiguous road sign. Comme ca:

What? Seattle, chill out. So apparently, this person is against people who have boobs, an arrow dick, make-up, wearing a skirt, and are carrying a tampon. Of course.

Repo Man - One of the really cool punk rock movies that remind me of being in high school. (Suburbia, Decline of Western Civilization, etc.) I really like how intensely Los Angeles this movie is. Watching it gives you such a feeling of sleazy LA-ness in the 80's. I love it. It has this weird sci-fi L.A. Quality that there are millions of secret sordid things happening just below the surface of the city, and that's what I like about L.A. It's hard to buy Emilio Estevev as a punk at first, becasue his clothes are nice and clean and pressed, but he sort of works into it. I eventually accept him as sort of one of those Marine-punks who are all clean and tough looking. He has a badass gay-little-earring in this movie.

In the Field

2009-04-06T00:59:00.005-05:00

"Taking a close look at what's around us, there is some sort of a harmony, it is the harmony of overwhelming and collective murder." ---Werner Herzog on the Jungle

I'm in Fort Stockton, TX at the La Quinta Inn watching Bill Maher on HBO. I am here working on some shoot. We start tomorrow morning, but I still don't know what what we are shooting.

Let's see what brother Herzog has to say:

Unknown Passage - The Dead Moon Story --- Sometimes badly made but still interesting documentary about the band Dead Moon. I hate rock documentaries in general, I only sort of like this band, but I still liked this movie. Dead Moon are sort of my ultimate fantasy of what the Northwest is like. They are all hairy and shlumpy and flanneled and stuff. What makes this an interesting movie is the couple who make up 2/3 of the band Fred and Toody Cole. They have been married forever, and they built their own house, music store, ghost town, and actually manufacture their own records with some sort of ancient vinyl pressing machine that they keep in their house. The sheer energy of the man Fred Cole is what makes this a compelling movie. He is a remarkable sort of person, and its not in a super-lame "inspiring" way.

I Rode Amongst the People (spell-check remix)

2009-04-05T03:26:00.006-05:00

My Moped, previously broken down for 2 months, crazily started tonight for no reason. I took it out amongst the people, and it was FUN, A cop guy cunt yelled at me the following, "that's a motor vehicle, obey the rules of a motor vehicle, stop!!!!" So I stayed behind a car for about 2 blocks and then burned off because they can't touch me. I'm invincible. I rode everywhere. It was insane. Black people either love or hate mopeds. They react, that's for sure. I think they were a bit jealous of my sheer mobility. The cop-cunts were, that's real, son; They know I could easily get away from them. Bwaaa!!!!!!!
Anyway, HEB accidentally made this great batch of poppy-seed bagels, that are the best ting I've ever tasted. You can tell its an accident because they are slightly burned, bigger than usual, have risen more (arisen more), are darker brown, slightly burned (perfectly), and are delicious. Fudge off ya' fucks.
Love ramble nutz.

I rode amonngst the People Drunk

2009-04-05T03:16:00.004-05:00

My Mped, prviously broken down for 2 months, crazly started tonight for no reason. I took it out amongst the people, and it was FUN, A cop guy cunt yelled at me the following, "that's a motor vehivcle, obey the rules of a motor vehicle, nooooo stoooopppppppp" So I stsyed behind a car for about 2 blocks and then burned off becasue t hey cnat touch me on my moped. I'm ionvincible. I trode evertwehere. It was insane. Black peple leither love or hate mopeds. They react, thats for sure. I thinkt hey were a bit jealous of my sheer mobilirt. Th ecop-cunts were, thats for sure ;They knoew I could Eeaaaaasssssilyyy get away from them.. Bwaaa. Ny way, HEB accidentlly made this great batch of poppy-seed bagels, that are the best ting iVe ever tasted. You can teelll its an accindent baecause they are slightly burened, bugger htan usual, have risen more, aare darjer brown, slightly burned?, and are delicious1. Fudge off ya fucks,. l
LOve ramble nutz.

51st Post Anniversary Show

2009-04-04T20:55:00.009-05:00

Greg showed me this, so it's not my fault:

And then the blessed Jesus of music videos:

Check out 1:50. It's called EDITING.

Monsters Vs. Aliens --- Laaaaaaaaaaaammeeeee. I walked out to make a phone call in the middle for like 15 minutes. Toby made me go, and wouldn't tell me what we were seeing until we got to the theater. It was real boring and dumb, but it did awesomely have a Wilhelm Scream in it.

Wilhelm Scream

I was Born a Ramblin' Man

2009-04-04T19:30:00.006-05:00

"There will be ladies present, and ladies, you know, are aesthetically inclined." --- David Lindsay - from A Voyage to Arcturus

I started reading A Voyage to Arcturus. I'm leaving town tomorrow for Iraan, TX to work on some video shoot, and then Mike wants me to go to Mexico when I get back Wednesday. I am a ramblin' man after all. I was born to ramble, duh.
Ramblin' Man - Hank Williams

Taking a page from Leah's playbook, here is a feature article from Time about the amazing redneck-hero Forest Ray Colson. (you can tell by his name that he was probably hillbilly-ish) If I was a crazy redneck, this is how I'd hope to be. I'm pretty sure he was my hillbilly Soul Brother #1. Motherfucker made a space-man costume you son of a bitch, so show some respect. "The Man From Mars" costume is on permanent display at the San Gabriel Police Department.
Here is a song about him:
Forest Ray Colson - The Hex Dispensers

"Adventureland"--- Sort of boring and stupid, full of cliches. A final love scene in the rainy streets of New York, virginity losing, lots of barf jokes, and hitting in the nuts. There were like 3 or 4 funny jokes, but that's not anywhere close to making a good movie. The serious parts were awful and that main guy is a just a poor man's Michael Cera, who is himself becoming a poor man's Michael Cera. It tries to make you care about this love story, but neither of the main characters is particularly interesting or likable. There is one funny Jew-nerd-guy, he's the Jew-nerd-guy from Freaks and Geeks. Pretty forgettable.

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room --- Pretty straightforward documentary about sleazy business guys getting really rich. Documentaries about business are relatively boring because business really is boring after all. I was watching this movie at Vulcan, and this UT frat business guy was watching it from the counter for a really long time. He was totally mesmerized. You could tell he was thinking that the Enron guys were the coolest ever. Every time they mentioned some guy who was guilty of terrible financial crimes, the guy would go, " oh, that guy is the third biggest land owner in Colorado," or , "that guy makes really good eggplant Parmesan." Things like that. He was like taking notes on how to be a sleazy as possible and steal money from everyone. It was gayz.

I like Racial Humor and the End of the World

2009-03-30T01:29:00.011-05:00

"Psychedelic long-haired mutant-jissomed peace leftists will consort with known dope fiends, spilling out onto the sidewalks in pornape disarray each afternoon....Two-hundred thirty rebel cocksmen under secret vows are on a 24-hour alert to get the pants of the daughters and wifes and kept women of the convention delegates."
---some yippie pamphlet regarding the Democratic National Convention

Today is just going to be a list of things I like or might like:
---Continued spending money on my credit card. It's just a Discover card so every time I walk in to a business, I have to say "do you take Discover?" It's annoying.

---I realized today that all of my favorite things involve the Apocalypse. The good old cleansing fire sweeping over the world. I think we had a fair shot, and we blew it. Let's give fire a chance. I think civilization reached it's high-water mark during the late 19th-early 20th century. You know, like when it was still possible to be a gentleman and not have to drive a hummer and date one of the Olson twins. We live in barbaric times. A man can't even have a decent opium habit or mistress without everyone losing their damn minds.

---I like the idea of race in general, not just racial humor. Race is one of the last interesting taboos we have. Everybody is secretly uptight about it, and we can't help it. I just thought I should explain why I'm always talking about Negroes and the Jews and those fun-loving Irish people and all of that.

--- I like this website about famous trials. Particularly the part where Abby Hoffman is in court. Also this overview with some funny parts.

Sunshine Cleaning --- This movie was produced by the same people who did Little Miss Sunshine. They are obviously trying to cash in on name recognition the way they do in politics. It makes me sad that people are so dumb that they will just blindly go to a movie because a word in the title vaguely reminds them of some other film experience they drunkenly ambled into. People are sooooooooo lazy about what movies they go see. Jesus Christ people, can we pull it together a little bit? They are doing the same thing by releasing that movie called Funny People. Sounds like that other movie Smart People, doesn't it? Also, they catch lazy people by releasing two movies at the same time that are about the same exact thing. In this way Mall Cop=Observe and Report, Armageddon = Deep Impact, etc. That being said, this wasn't a terrible movie. It was total Sundance bait, but not bad. It's one of those Quaint family dramas that make boring white liberals happy by reaffirming their place in the world. "Look at the cute and Quirky weirdo who just doesn't seem to fit into society. What a wacky, beautiful world we all live in." This movie isn't as bad as what lies behind it: The creeping black death of unbearable movie executives trying to recreate a former success by meticulously following a formula. This is not a proper way to produce art.
The more I think about, I am realizing that this movie was REALLY similar to Little Miss Sunshine. It has a little kid in it who is a social outcast and weirdo, it has Alan Arkin as wacky grandfather, and there is even a great deal of emphasis placed on a VAN. I think it was actually better that Little Miss... though. It reminded me a lot of a movie called You Can Count On Me.

Credit Card

2009-03-29T16:07:00.005-05:00

"Fruit salad is Jewish"
---Lenny Bruce

I got a credit card. I've never had a credit card. I didn't even sign up for, so I assume they think I'm going to fuck up and get in crazy debt. Well I've got news for you, creditors, you aren't getting any of my money. Plus, everyone knows that we are approaching Mad Max world-wide scenario, and I intend to be in tons of debt when it goes down. If I'm in tons of debt when the world ends, then I win. The thing is, if I ever get REALLY bummed or get into a lot of trouble, I intend to buy a bunch of really expensive stuff with a credit card, buy a plane ticket to Thailand, and just CHIIIIIILLLLLL, son. I will be laying in an opium den, and I will only communicate with my concubine to ask her to hand me my pipe. Like this:

They'll never find me.

I bought some cowboy boots, a shirt, and some Thai Kitchen food. It felt like I was tricking them. "You're going to give me this stuff even though I have no money? Ooooooooo-kaayyyyyyyyy. I'm going to take it now, I'm walking out the door, ok?"
Finished The Purple Cloud finally. Need new book to read. I think I'm going to try either The House on the Borderland or A Voyage to Arkturus.

Freebie and the Bean - Part of my mission to watch all the interracial buddy-cop films. James Caan plays a white cop and Alan Arkin plays a Mexican (!?) cop. Actually a really funny movie for the most part. James Caan (Freebie) uses every imaginable racial slur for Hispanic people in the world for Arkin (The Bean.) It's got the reQuisite hard-ass captain who is about to take away their badges for being such loose canons. It has the crooked rich guy who has the police force in his pocket and is too powerful to arrest. This movie has so many film archetypes and cliches that it is closer to a Greek tragedy than a film. Except all the beaner talk.

Downtown - Interracial buddy cop film starring Forest Whitaker and Anthony Edwards from ER. Super-white-man rookie cop Edwards gets assigned to the ghetto because he tried to give a ticket to yet another super-powerful, rich guy who has the police department in his pocket. Guess whether or not he's actually a mastermind behind all of the criminal activity in the Philadelphia. Anyway, Edwards gets teamed up with the veteran-cop with lazy eye, Forest Whitaker. Whitaker shockingly doesn't want to deal with an over-eager beaver kiss ass go-getter white boy, and hilarious hi jinks ensue. There is a scene involving soul-food. According to this movie, the Beach Boys are the musical embodiment of whiteness.

KNOWING Killed My Brain

2009-03-25T01:55:00.012-05:00

"Suck my ass, it smells" ---G.G. Allin

KNOWING
I saw Knowing last night, and it destroyed my mind. Oh my god, I wasn't ready for that movie at all. I didn't know the original screenplay was written by Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko, Southland Tales). I'm glad I didn't because then I would have expected that kind of laughable, over the top Quality he always manages to (accidentally?) capture. I mean, this movie has 100% bad acting and dialogue, and it hits you over the head with every single thing it tries to do, but I always have to respect movies that allow themselves to play out an idea to its absolute, beyond furthest outer-space logical limit. I kept thinking, OK this is a Hollywood movie, they will reign it in at the last minute and tidy it all up, and then blammmo! it shoots into infinity with 500,000 naked lady Eskimos holding hands vanishing into the distance. Ya know? It was genuinely scary at times, genuinely disturbing and brutal at times, laughably gay a lot, then pretty fucking amazing a bit too. I like it in a movie where it is almost over, and I'm still like, "what the fuck is going on?!" and "how are they going to explain all of these scary white-hair zombie/men in black suits?"

Dark City

Alex Proyas, who adapted the screenplay and directed Knowing, also wrote and directed Dark City, which features similar silently creeping, black clothed white men. All the way through the movie they are just there, having nothing to do with anything, and you have no idea why until the very end. Jennifer Connelly is pretty. There is a lot of other stuff going on in Knowing too, like a possible Mormon/white supremacy sub-text and a lot of crazy fire. I think the message of the movie was that we should give up and repopulate other planets with New Pure White Aryan babies, and that sex-education should only consist of pairing up 10 year old boys and girls and then giving them each white rabbits who will demonstrate how the sex works. WHAT?
I feel like REALLY annoyingly nerdy sci-fi fans will love this movie way too much, and reasonable sci-fi fans (me) will think that it's appropriately mind-blowing and ludicrous , and if there is still Weird Wednesday in 30 years, I hope they will show it there.

Lethal Weapon 2---I've decided to watch as many movies as I can in the genre I am calling CopRace Movies. These are buddy-cop movies where the 2 "buddies" are an interracial couple. It all started when I rented 48 Hours a few weeks ago, and then Hannah had an idea to have a Black Cop/ White Cop film series. So anyway, Lethal Weapon 2, right? It was as one would hope it to be. The best part is when Riggs (that cunt Mel Gibson)has brought the South African secretary back to his house to show us her boobs. When he takes of his trademark letter-jacket, it is revealed that he is wearing a perfect Seinfeld outfit complete with haircut. If you sQuint your eyes in that scene, you can literally believe it is Jerry Seinfeld acting in Lethal Weapon 2. They dress IDENTICALLY. It's the funnnnnnnest thing you can doooooooooooo.

Only difference between Mel Gibson and Jerry Seinfeld: belts.

The Medicine

2009-03-23T00:57:00.007-05:00

"Did you symbolically urinate on the Pentagon, Mr. Hoffman? "
---the prosecutor

Vulcan destroyed I Love Video last night in the Alamo trivia contest thing. It was total vindication. Also, my friends went into the woods with real South American Shamans and took ayahuasca (the medicine.) My friend Andrew had a conversation with the Devil who was in the form of my ex-girlfriend. Haa! I fucking knew it! I will just put some of the conversation I had about it with my friend Jacob. Seems like the only way to properly explain:

4:42 PM Jacob: Andrew came back

from fucking Hades

he also said that he met some other "braves" in an astral lodge

some thatched hut in outer space

4:43 PM filled with warriors and future technology

luxuriating vines, etc.

me: braves?

Jacob: Indian Braves

4:44 PM ululating braves

me: jeezes

Jeezez is right "me." I sort of feel like a pussy but I don't think I'm going to try ayahuasca. I am afraid I wouldn't come back, and you would have to visit me at one of those places for people who never came back. I do like how it is not viewed as getting "high," but rather like a form of New Age therapy. My friend Alex, who has done it 3 times now, has gotten really into the power of crystals. Seems like the thing to do in one's 30's.

"The Servant" - Joseph Losey movie from 1963. It is the most British and at the same time the most 60's thing ever, even though Losey is from WISCONSIN?. Liked it, but now I'm about to go to see Nicholas Cage in "Knowing." It's going to be BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!

Look at this bulllshit:

Dallas

2009-03-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

"O wild Providence! Unfathomable madness of Heaven! that ever I should write what now I write! I will not write it..."
---M.P. Shiel from The Purple Cloud

I'm in Dallas working on a horror movie. So far it's like a teenage-ish-ensemble cast with lots of violence and gore. It's sort of like "Hostel" or "Saw" I'm assuming ( I've never seen any of those movies.) I am really disturbed by the existence of these "torture porn" movies. ( is this a real term?) I think it is proof of really disturbing things just under the surface of normal white guys' psyches. I mean these kinds of movies are really popular, and they mix naked ladies with tying people up and torturing them. Can this be good for people to watch? Sub-consciously mixing sex and violence seems like a dangerous thing to do. I think it is just indicative of what I already knew: that sQuare white guys who smoke too much weed are really creepy and fucked up. I'm staying the Hell away from them. Stay away from me white people!
The movie I'm currently working on is called "The Final." It is sort of like a Columbine influenced version of "Saw 5." All of these picked-on nerds get together and torture all of these jocks and blond chicks. So far I am surprised and dismayed by the lack of nudity. I mean, I just figured that there would be a lot of sex and nudity in the thing. It seemed like that type of affair. Basically I figured that if you assemble a cast of attractive young actors, that you would also want to gratify the creepy white man demographic with some boobies. They LOVE boobies. The marketplace demands boobs, and in these troubled financial times, who can argue with marketplace?

One interesting thing: This will mark the first time for me working on a movie where the dialogue contains the world's-worst-word and cultural-love-bomb.....NIGGER. Yow-eee. Plus, I am working in sound dept. so I actually get to record the word itself. This is a milestone in my career. I mean working in the 70's-80's they probably got to record that word all the time. Like I watched "48 Hours" the other day, and it was bandied about throughout that movie. But we live in a PC era, and so I'm excited to get to stick a mic in a guy's face and have him say "nigger." God Bless America. P.S. the character is black, so it's not Quite as crazed.

"The Unborn"- I saw this the other night with Toby at this sleazy Dallas dollar theater. The experience as a whole was pretty amazing, but the movie was pretty awful. One thing prefer about Dallas to Austin is that it has more weird sleazy stuff and weird old neighborhoods. This place was hilarious. It had the obligatory couple bringing their baby to a WILDLY inappropriate movie because they don't give a fuck, and the guy talking on his cell phone throughout the entire movie because he doesn't give a fuck. Basically, no one gives a fuck. It's liberating. As far as the movie goes, it's yet another movie ripped off from The Ring, The Grudge, etc. where a creepy little kid/ ghost-thing appears a lot and then there is fucked-up screaming face with FX and scary noises. Upside down faces, weird backwards crawling stuff. A series of rip-offs from the last 20 years of scary movies.

True Language of God

2009-03-17T03:32:00.003-05:00

"It's said that during the Holy Roman Empire, Frederick II gave a group of infants to some nuns. He told them to take care of the children but never to speak to them. He believed the babies would eventually reveal the true language of God."
---Lane DeGregory

i'm done with working, im going to sleep now for about 15 hours i think.

guh.

it's a thing that happened

2009-03-14T23:06:00.004-05:00

"Even the most sumptuous of the Sultan's palaces are built in this combustible manner [out of wood], for I believe that they had a notion that stone-building was presumptuous..."
M.P. Shiel--- The Purple Cloud

today i was holding the boom pole as i discussed previously.

we were in a gym at a high school in dallas. suddenly an errant fucking pigeon appeared out of nowhere, and it lands on my boom pole. for some reason this totally threw me into a panic. i don't know why. oh, by the way there 80 high school kid extras crowded around me. ok, so i went into a wild panic, and slammed the boom pole down on this actress' head. you're not supposed to do that. she was nice about it though because there aren't supposed to be overly tame/aggressive pigeons inside of high schools who try to make friends in the middle of a scene. fuck the police?
love,
alex

TG

2009-03-14T00:04:00.000-05:00

He looks like a demented child.

Gubba

2009-03-13T23:32:00.007-05:00

'I, poor man, lost in this conflux of infinitudes and vortex of the world, what can become of me, my God? For dark, ah dark, is this void into which from solid ground I am now plunged a million fathoms deep, the sport of all the whirlwinds: and it were better for me to have died with the dead, and never to have seen the wrath and turbulence of the Ineffable, nor to have heard the thrilling bleakness of the winds of Eternity, when they pine, and long, and whimper, and when they vociferate and blaspheme, despair and die, which ear of man should never hear. For they mean to eat me up, I know, these Titanic darknesses: and soon like a whiff I shall pass away, and leave the world to them." ---M.P. Shiel- The Purple Cloud

I am still here in Dallas working on the movie. I usually work in the camera dept., but on this I am doing sound. I am a boom operator.

Like this guy.

I like trying to catch inanimate things making sounds by sticking the mic up to them from far away.
I found out today that potato salad produces from very little to no sound at all.

I lied. I don't have 50 posts.

2009-03-12T00:23:00.003-05:00

"The best form of government is no government at all, and that's what we will have when we are ready for it..."
--- Fuck You

Hi. I just realized I actually only have like 39 posts. The rest are ones that I wrote but never put on here because either they're too Queer or too good, and they would blow your dick off.

Anyway, as you know, I'm here in Dallas. In a lot of ways this is so much more of a legitimate city than Austin. I mean, I know it's really cool to hate Dallas and everything... What isn't usually discussed is the fact that those people who say they hate Dallas are all from Plano or Carolton or Rockford ( Made that last one up. It's actually called Rockwall.) The point is that these people are townies who have no idea what is going on anyway. They move to Austin and get gay little shoes and proceed to talk about how horrible Dallas and Houston are. They're wrong. Dallas and Houston are real cities. On the way home from work tonight, do yo know what I listened to? The BBC World Service at 11:00 PM. In Austin you are lucky if you get to hear that at 4AM because the rest of the day you've got some white man playing music by other white men who love the way black men play music. It's Austin so we better play 75 different songs by white ladies who are singer-songwriters. Fuck you, my son. I'm staying here.
Ah, also it was weird the BBC was talking about some drug kingpin in Mexico who Forbes Magazine estimates has a billion dollars. In the between segment banter the BBC guy said, "nice work if you can get it." What!? You can't say that! You are a newsman, idiot. I mean, that's what we are all thinking, but please sir, you have a responsibility. Dan Rather wouldn't come on the news and say, "today a bank robber got away with 500,000 dollars, the lucky bastard." what? you can't say that, fool.

I am here.

50th post anniversary show

2009-03-11T13:36:00.002-05:00

Hey I've had 50 posts. So to celebrate I will post videos that sum up my world view:

Zach Galifianakis is Jesus

2009-03-11T03:57:00.001-05:00

I just wanted this on my gay-log......
Clip of a show by AD Miles and Zach that did not get picked up

Oscars and Movies

2009-03-07T22:02:00.000-06:00

"Who knows the end? What has risen may sink, and what has sunk may rise. Loathsomeness waits and dreams in the deep, and decay spreads over the tottering cities of men. A time will come-"
---H. P. Lovecraft- "The Call of Cthulhu"

Here is something I wrote the day after the Oscars and never pushed send or whatever:
What a fucking joke. I tied Greg for 1st in the Vulcan Oscar contest thing where you pick winners for all the categories. I got 19 right and missed 5. I watched the last 2/3 of the Oscar showie thing. God, the depths that American movies have reached. It is abysmal. They did this thing during the final credits where they show all the new movies that will be coming out in 2009. It was just all the same crap as all the other years. Animated hamsters jumping on balloons, guys shooting guns, and remakes of good movies that look like they will now be ruined forever. So, it confirmed my suspicion that they have literally given up on making good movies and have just settled into making remakes and seQuels. So I saw that they are coming out with a movie called "State of Play," and it dawned on me that they have also obviously run out of titles as well. I'm pretty sure there is an office in Hollywood where they have a hat containing a lot of little pieces of paper with a bunch of words like state, war, art, game, storm, dark, etc. So what they do is just randomly pick 2 or 3 words out of the hat and they throw them together and there they have the title to their next movie. "Art of Game" "State of War" "Dark War Time" "Time of War" "State of Play" -see that last one is real, and I know they got it from the hat.

"A Boy and His Dog"-- I've been trying to watch a lot of post-apocalyptic movies lately to prepare myself for the coming you-know-what. This is one of those cool desert dystopian future type movies like Mad Max. It has Don Johnson in one of his few movie roles, and maybe his only "good" movie role. He plays this guy who is psychically linked to his dog and they communicate with each other through ESP. It is pretty good. I mean how bad could what I just described be? It's sort of funny what an asshole Don Johnson's character is. He spends the whole movie trying to get his dog to find him a woman so he can basically rape her. The 70's were nuts.

"Splendor in the Grass"-- Another Elia Kazan movie. Really good. Warren Beatty and Natalie Wood. This is like a small town high-school drama about those 2 people being all in love and stuff. His parents are rich and want him to go to Yale and her parents want them to get married. Warren Beatty wants to do the sex but knows he can't sully a nice girl, so his Dad tells him to just find one of those other types of girls to do it with. I liked the movie a lot. I haven't seen a bad Kazan movie yet. He's cool even though he ratted out bunch of people during the McCarthy hearings. What a pussy.

Old Jews

2009-01-18T23:05:00.001-06:00

"Whatever it is, I'm against it" ---Groucho Marx

I haven't been writing to you much lately, bloggy, and I am sorry. I am battling with dark forces that threaten to kill us all. Greg crashed his car tonight, so I am going to open Vulcan tomorrow morning. I hope I remember the alarm code, or I am definitely going to jail. We shall see... If I could wake up tomorrow as a 65 year old crotchety Jew-man, I would do it in a second. (As long as I would get to play golf with my old Jew friends, and have some money to throw around at the beach-club.)

Watched a lot:

"Baby Doll"---Elia Kazan movie written by Tennessee Williams. Good, sort of grossly over-sexual, but good anyway.

"The Wrestler--- I liked it! Shock! Came close a couple of times to being heavy-handed, but never went over the edge.

"My Bloody Valentine 3-D"-- What the fuck do you think? Loud noises and digital blood aren't scary or cool, 3-D is... But not for 2 hours. I had a head and stomach ache after this movie.

"Time Crimes--Los Cronocrimenes"--- I don't care what anyone else says, this movie sucks, and I hated it. I wanted it to end so bad. It was just confusing for no reason, and it's take on time-travel somehow makes the idea seem boring and tedious. Time travel=boring? Good job.

"Make 'Em Laugh"--- PBS thing about the history of comedy. Good at times, but then they interview Jeff Foxworthy about "Roseanne," and I barf. Just tell me about the funny Jews and chiiiiiill shorty. You know they're the only funny ones anyway. Don't fuck around PBS, get it together.

"Hoop Dreams"--- Good and depressing.

"Horse Feathers"--- Fucking Amazing!!!!!!!!!!! Exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!! I hate exclamation marks, but that's how good this movie is. Destroys everything on earth.

Pirates go to the mall

2009-01-10T22:23:00.002-06:00

"for oftentimes, both waking and in nightmare, I did not know on which orb I was, nor in which age, but felt my being adrift in the great gulf of space and eternity and circumstance, with no bottom for my consciousness to stand upon, the world all mirage and a strange show to me, and the frontiers of dream and waking lost.
---M.P. Shiel from The Purple Cloud

The Somali pirates won! Suck that lawmen everywhere, and fuck you sea police. They hijacked an oil tanker and got 3 million dollars dropped to them by parachute. Fuck the laws, holmes. I salute you, Somali pirates. Good job, now go to Northpark in Dallas. It is technically the "mall," but it is so unlike any other trashy mall in the world that I hang out there 24 hours a day when I go to Dallas. I HANG OUT AT THE MALL. Fuck you, I ain't scared. It's the best. It's not even a mall. It's like half doctors' office and half art museum. I don't even buy stuff there because that's completely missing the point. It's a transcendent experience to be there. People call me when I'm in Dallas, and I say "come meet me at Starbucks in Northpark, nigga. No, the upstairs one."

Been reading The Purple Cloud, so I haven't been watching any movies. I know, it's fucked up.

The Mall to End All Wars

bought books

2009-01-08T19:42:00.006-06:00

"Medicine-man as I am, I could never behold her suddenly without a sensation of shock: she suggested so inevitably what we call "the other world," one detecting about her some odour of the worm..." ---M.P. Shiel

I bought this book from the internets. It's my first collectable-type book and it is a first edition from 1975, one of 4,283. It is from Arkham House which is a publishing company that some friend of Lovecraft's set up to publish his stories after his death. Before that, his stories were just randomly floating around in various pulpy magazines like "Weird Tales." He got no respect until way later when people figured out his stories literally destroy everything else in the world. Now they're "literature." I also ordered and am currently reading a book called The Purple Cloud, by the same author of Xelucha..., M.P. Shiel. It's about a guy who goes to the North Pole, but while he's up there a crazy purple cloud kills everything on Earth but him. He deals with being the last human on Earth by burning down major cities while smoking opium and watching their destruction from a remote location. I don't know what it is about these guys with the 2-initials-plus-last name, names, (MP Shiel, HP Lovecraft, GK Chesterton, HG Wells, EE Cummings, etc.) but it seems like the way to go. I think it was a trend for early 20th century literary types.
I will from now on be called A.M. Daboub.

"Jeremiah Johnson"--- Robert Redford western (sort of) directed by Jew in cowboy hat Sydney Pollack. Back to the land mountain man movie. Really very good, and feels like a movie that a teacher would have shown you in junior high for some reason. Based on a book called "Crow Killer: The Saga of Liver-Eating Johnson, which is an amazing title for anything.

"How to Get Ahead in Advertising"--- Really funny movie with one of my favorite posh, ranting Englishmen Richard E. Grant. Other posh, ranting Englishmen include: Peter O'toole, Albert Finney, Alec Guinness, etc. This is done by the guy who did "Withnail and I." Anyway, I liked it even though it was gross sometimes. Richard E. Grant has this ability to look genuinely insane at will while he rants, and his eyes go all watery and give off an unnatural glow. It's incredible.

BEARD.

7

2008-12-28T23:55:00.000-06:00

"The wines were too various"
---Evelyn Waugh

This is it. Came back to Austin today. I heard on the radio today that Detroit is almost 2/3 deserted. I want to go up there and see it.

"Under the Volcano"--- John Huston movie from 1984. Fucking great. I can watch a pompous, drunk Englishman 24 hours a day and be happy. The character is one of those poetry dribbling drunks that make me laugh. Shot in Mexico. God, Mexico's good.

6

2008-12-27T23:45:00.005-06:00

"On this occasion Lovecraft tried to play "Yes, We Have No Bananas" on the church's organ, but was 'balk'd by lack of power, since the machine is not a self-starter.'"
---Lovecraft Quoted by S.T. Joshi

Look at those pigs going to put out a fire. Fuck the pigs, man.

Since I've been in Dallas I have been on an intense Quest to find a suit jacket (blazer?) that fits me. I'm a little guy so I figured I needed a small or something. Well, it turns out I'm a ridiculously little man or else everyone in the world is a big fatso giant because there is no such thing as a jacket that fits me. I went and tried on the super-rare size 36 jacket at Dillard's that I had to call around looking for, and that is too big for me too. I'm a freak! I am having to resort to getting my friend John to buy me a jacket from a H&M in NY and send it to me. Apparently people in NY are all tiny or something because that size 36 fits me. Is this the most boring story I can think of?

I watched part of "Two Weeks Notice" on TV last night as I was eating some Cheerios. That Hugh Grant is one charming son of a bitch. He should have went with the redhead over that lame-o Sandra Bullock.

5

2008-12-26T23:45:00.003-06:00

"This is the fifth communication from the Weathermen Underground. Rosemary and Tim are free and high."---Statement from Weather Underground when they broke Timothy Leary out of jail

In 1970, The Brotherhood of Eternal Love paid the Weathermen to break Timothy Leary out of prison for 20,000 dollars. They literally didn't care about Leary but were such hard-asses that they could bust someone out of jail just to make some money. Then Leary escaped to Algeria where a bunch of Black Panthers had set up an independent state within the country's border. Why is no one this cool anymore? I wish there was a draft now so it would force us all off of our asses and do something interesting instead of being a bunch of dildos making music that sounds like it was written with the intent of being used for a future I-pod commercial. We are such a generation of pussies. Fuck us.

Oh and for posterity, last night I went to a party at John Magary's house who I was friends with in junior high and I haven't seen him in like 10 years. I ate a bunch of cheese dip and talked to Alex Kuzio, Shelly Acker, Toby, David Lowey, and Yasmine about G-d knows what. Actually, I spent most of the time taling to Alex about ayahuasca. I really want to try it, but I'm also pretty sure I would hate it while it was happening. Hmmmmmmmmm.

I'm about to watch "The Damned" by Michelangelo Antonioni but I have nothing to report yet.

post: 4 of 7, Chanukah: day 5 of 8, and some Christian thing too

2008-12-25T19:56:00.007-06:00

"If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald."
---Woody Allen

I went to a party at the Moon Mansion in Dallas last night as I have been doing every Christmas Eve for the last 4 or 5 years. 3 or 4 years? I don't know. I saw some Austin people there, and I generally see the same people there every year. It has a kind of time warp element to it because some of the people I see exclusively at that party once a year so it seems like déjà vu and that it is a continuation from the previous year. It is an old Dallas traditional kind of thing where a bunch of people go to this old hippie artist Ashley Bellamy's house. His house is a huge old church that I think might literally go on forever underground in a series of crazy shambling, cluttered basement rooms. Last year I got too drunk and ended up wandering around down there and it was incredible. It was surreal because every room I went into seemed to have some weird activity going on in it that was unrelated to the party. For example, there was some band that was practicing down there who seemed to have no idea there hundreds of people above having a party. Unfortunately, this year the basement part was locked. I spent a lot of time talking to my friend Alex K. about his psychedelic spiritual quest he has been on for the last few months. It was revealed that he was carrying a magic crystal in his pocket, and we both expressed concern that he might turn into a new-age fruitcake.

"Vertigo"--- I was actually a little disappointed by this movie. Maybe it was because I expected too much as it is supposed to be one of the best Hitchcock movies ever. It started pretty well and was mysterious and stylish, but I thought it got a little bogged down with melodrama the romantic aspect of the story. It's true that I'm a baby who hates seeing people kissing onscreen, but I thought it lost the cooler mystery element in favor of a more creepy love/obsession thing between James Stewart and the lady. It had a lot of really cool San Francisco locations and scenery. Not terrible or anything, I just expected more.

3

2008-12-24T09:15:00.001-06:00

"Solid elements, contained and brewed in water animated by erotic movement, shoot out in the form of flying fish."---Georges Bataille

So the other day I was complaining about the fact that I haven't been writing as much of these gaylogs lately. In response, the international blogging sensation and local newspaper lady Leah demanded that I write a post every day for a week. She's the editor of the Daily Texan so making insane, life threatening demands on people to write is a conditioned response at this point. I instantly saw the horrible truth which is that she is a frenzied Queen bee sending her hapless workers off to die in the honey mines. Although she was clearly off the clock when she gave me the assignment, and the fact that I'm just some dude on blogger and not a writer at the Texan, I got scared and agreed. So, this is my third post out of a proposed seven. I'm scared! What can happen? Who could die?
Anyways, I'm in Dallas for a few days, and tonight Toby attempted to teach me some ridiculously complicated and nerdy card game called "ConQuest of the Galaxy," or something. Man, I lead a life of the most shocking decadence. Here is a sample of the game description:

In Race for the Galaxy, players build galactic civilizations by game cards that represent worlds or technical and social developments.Each round consists of one or more of five possible phases. In each round, each player secretly and simultaneously chooses one of seven different action cards and then reveals it. Only the selected phases occur. For these phases, every player performs the phase’s action, while the selecting player(s) also get a bonus for that phase.For example, if at least one player chooses the Develop action, then the Develop phase will occur; otherwise it is skipped............

Christ!

"Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"--- Watched part of it the other day. Frank Capra tends to be a little overly sentimental and schmaltzy, but I am more willing to accept that kind of thing when Jimmy Stewart is the one being that way. It would probably be unbearable if it starred almost an other actor. Lots of snappy 40's-type dialogue and brassy broads. It's just a little too perfect and tidy: corrupt politicians defeated by the well-meaning townie and his multitude of boy scouts. The good guys win and stuff, and I feel like there was a literal, waving American flag at the end.

(2) Sir Alec Guinness

2008-12-23T01:24:00.002-06:00

"Lovecraft was in New York when an earthQuake that affected the entire Northeast occured on February 25th, 1925. His only contemporaneous account of it is found in a laconic diary entry for that day: "house shakes 9:30 p m"--- Lovecraft scholar S.T. Joshi

I mentioned last time that I had watched "Great Expectations, " and that it had Alec Guinness in it. The man cannot be stopped. I read a hilarious story about when he was in that pussy Lucas' "Star Wars, " and played Obi Wan Kenobi. He told Lucas that it would strengthen the character if Obi Wan died and became a ghost. What actually happened was that he just wanted to get out of having anything to do with the subseQuent "Star Wars" movies. He said, "what I didn't tell him was that I just couldn't go on speaking those bloody awful, banal lines. I'd had enough of the mumbo jumbo." Bwah-ha. Lucas is a faggot. He also refused to sign an autograph for this guy who had seen "Star Wars" 100 times unless he agreed to never watch it again. What a hard-ass.

"A Christmas Tale"--- Yet ANOTHER modern-day French movie I have seen in like the last month or so. This was another example of things becoming over-French and disgusting. Everyone makes eyes at each other and hits on each other and it had this really annoying "look at how life is such a beautiful, nutty thing. What a crazy world, can you believe it!?" etc. It was like "Rachel Getting Married" in that it assumed you wanted to see family portraits of and hear inane stories about a family that is imaginary and that you actually don't give a shit about. It's like someone you don't know sticking their baby pictures in your face.
It was half standard American sappy Christmas movie and half weirdo-Frenchness. It was kinda cool how they don't mind breaking character expectations. The mother character openly just didn't like one of her sons. She was like, "you're the son I never loved." And he's all, "yeah you're gay too." And then they laugh and it's whatevs.

(1) lady shirts and Lean

2008-12-22T01:32:00.008-06:00

"Titties are Jewish."
--Lenny Bruce

what the fuck is going on with these girl shirts? i have a shirt meant for a lady and it buttons backwards. what is the point of this? is it just to create an arbitrary distinction to make a bunch of faggots more comfortable? like, "i can't wear that shirt, it's lady shirt. aha, here's a good old-fashioned man shirt, thank jesus." or is there a biological reason for it? ladies little lady fingers work backwards from a man's or something? does anyone know? it's hard to button. i have big dumb-man fingers that are used for strangling my enemies to death and throwing the ole' football around with the bros. you know, regular daboub-ish shit.

alexei illiovitch

"Great Expectations---(the 1946 one by David Lean, what the fuck you think?) David Lean can't do wrong by me so far. My lord, this is so good that it is basically the Platonic form of film. Alex Guinness plays Herbert Pocket, and he's probably my favorite actor of all time. The movie is so flawless and classic that it lulls you into this trance, and eventually you aren't even watching a movie anymore as much as you are floating down a river of inevitability. This might not make any sense, but it's the only way I can describe it. The movie is your life, and when it is over you are in outer space, outside of the universe and you have seen all of time because you are now the godhead. Deal with it pussies."

Hypothetical

2008-12-16T01:31:00.005-06:00

"This is your farewell kiss, you dog!"
---Muntadar al-Zeidi (Great Arab Poet)

I heard somewhere that some division of the Secret Service is devoted solely to making sure that no one steals anything that has the President's DNA on it. Like a glass or tissue or something. This is insane. The Secret Service has so much money and weird technology we don't know about that it hurts my head. What could someone do with the President's DNA? Awesome stuff, mainly. You could make little mini-Prez-clones.

It made me start thinking though about a hypothetical situation that I will pose to you now:

There is a criminal faction that has cloned you from DNA.
There is a baby version of you that these people have basically kidnapped.
They call you and demand millions of moneys to release baby-you or murders time.

What do you do? Do you even care? Are you emotionally attached to baby-you you have never met? It's basically like they have your actual child kidnapped, right? Head hurts.

"Fearless Vampire Killers"--- Roman Polanski comedy about vamps. Sharon Tate, Polanski, and others frolicking around in the snow together. I love watching Polanski act. He plays basically the same character as the guy from the "Tenant," a really Quiet and shy little guy. It's really charming. This movie was a little slap-sticky but I don't mind in this context. Lots of funny Eastern Europe accents and tons upon tons of snow. I liked it.

Correction

2008-12-14T01:07:00.002-06:00

I wanted to say that upon further reflection, I didn't like "Milk" as much as it seemed by what I said about it the other day. It was a little too feel-goodie and heavy handed than I can really get behind. It is true, however, that I can handle these 2 Qualities less that almost anyone I know in the world. That being said, my friend and I have decided that the movie reminded us of a slightly better version of "Blow." It was biopic, and all glossy and seventies and stuff. Plus "Milk" and "Blow" are practically the same title. I think I was just expecting more from the movie so I was disappointed, but when I wrote about it originally I was under the influence of the 2 people I had gone to see it with who really liked it. Anyway, just wanted to go on the record, you buncha Queers.

love,
alex

Ze French and Ze Blacks and Ze Jews

2008-12-14T00:44:00.004-06:00

"Life ain't nothin' but bagels and money"
---NWA

Is it me or do black guys now officially love money more than the Jews? Doesn't this mean that blacks are the new Jews? Yes:
Black People Are The New Jews.

Shalom, my good man.

"La Fille Coupee en Deux - Girl Cut in Half"--- New movie by Claude Chabrol Greg and I saw at the Dobie tonight. Jesus Christ, this was the most French movie I have ever seen. Maybe the most French thing in general I have ever seen. This movie is Frencher than an old man with a big mustache and white hair eating a croissant on a train. It was too French, I guess. I don't dislike the French necessarily, but they do creep me out. They are always kissing and hitting on each other and their language sort of grosses me out. I have a real love/hate relationship with them. They seem so right on about so many things, but at the same time excessive Frenchness is one of the most annoying things in the world. From what I can tell, every French old man gets to have a young lover. It's not even considered an affair, really. It's just something that happens. Anyway, the movie was sort of gross and boring. Just a bunch of different people hitting on this blonde girl and implied sexual depravities. It shared what I dislike about some modern day Woody Allen movies, as well. I feel that, like Woody Allen, Claude Chabrol has probably spend the last 20 or 30 years very rich and surrounded by nothing but wealth and rich people talking to him about culture and art and so forth. That's OK, but it turns up in his movies in this really boring "old people sitting around drinking wine and talking about Art" way that I don't like. It seems a lot like pointless wanking. There were like 5 scenes in this movie where people were just talking about wine in this needless way. Anyway, it was interesting in its Frenchness, but pretty boring otherwise. Thank you and goodnight.

Prop 7: boobs for gay babies

2008-12-09T01:58:00.010-06:00

"What a bunch of faggots."
---Harvey Milk

Went to see "Milk" tonight with Greg and Hannah. I was talking about how maybe it was time to put Gus Van Sant back on the directors wall at Vulcan, and Greg siad he had been thinking the exact same thing ever since we saw "Paranoid Park." We have both been spending sleepless nights tossing and turning over whether he has redeemed himself enough yet to overcome "Goodwill Hunting." It's good to know that the Vulcan Hive-Mind is still ruling our lives. Greg has more say as to who goes on the Director's Wall, and he was the one who violently tore him down from there after the appalling trio of "Psycho"(remake), "Goodwill Hunting", and "Finding Forrester." After seeing his last few movies though, Gus's tearful reQuests to be returned might be answered.

"Milk"--- Yeah, pretty good. Sort of heavy-handed with the emotional god-damned music. I hate really typical soundtrack music that tells you when something triumphant is happening. The swelling violins and clashing cymbals and all of that nonsense. Poop, sir. It was really good in most other ways though. Glad I saw it. It was pretty true to the story. I want to see "The Times of Harvey Milk" next to round it out.

Sorry Steve Martin

2008-12-05T01:04:00.002-06:00

"There is nothing but Syphilis." ---J.K. Huysmans

I would like to take a moment to point out that Steve Martin isn't actually the devil. He's a close, personal friend of mine.

"Pickman's Model" Short film by Cathy Welch on HP Lovecraft Collection Vol. 4--- This Vulcan customer Cathy Welch, who has been coming in forever and works as a film professor at ACC, shot a film based on "Pickman's Model" in 1981. We started talking about Mr. Lovecraft and she shoed me the movie on the shelf. Well, I'll be damned. I brought it home, and it's good! It was her thesis film for UT. HP Lovecraft is notoriously hard to adapt to film because a lot of the "horror" occurs as a narrative in the characters' minds. This version was really charming and good, though, and obviously done by a fan of the man himself. Why don't I just stop pretending and have an HP Lovecraft blog?

The man himself.

Expose Yourself to Children

2008-11-24T23:15:00.004-06:00

"We watched Shopgirl."---Jacob Stewart
"Was it good?"---Alex Daboub
"Well, Steve Martin is the Lord of the Pit, he's the Devil."---J.S.
"So, not good."---A.D.
"No, no listen, he's the blind idiot god Azathoth, Lord of All Things, encircled by his flopping horde of mindless and amorphous dancers, and lulled by the thin monotonous piping of a demonic flute held in nameless paws"---J.S.
"Sounds OK."---A.D.

The other day I noticed one of Hunter's old posts which read:

God, it's so weird to find out when bands are right-wingers. I mean, I know this happens from time to time, but it's still a bit disconcerting nevertheless. This is particularly egregious, however: playing a party for Tom DeLay? WTF?? It certainly doesn't dissuade me from my stance that "All Star" is the Worst Song Ever Recorded.

I then wrote Hunter a response by electronic-mail on my machine which read:

smashmouth, ha. i think the general impulse to play music originates in a fascist part of the brain so denoting which bands are right-wing is redundant. some bands may be liberal in their off-stage lives, but the desire to play music on a stage is right-wing to begin with. fascism and conservatism are generally anti-intellectual by nature, as is rock and roll music. maybe i'll blog about it.
alex

And I did. My ideal rock and roll show involves me standing on a stage with a guitar. I plug it in and stuff, and then I take a screwdriver and painstakingly, methodically dismantle it piece by piece. I put all of the pieces in a plastic bucket as I take them off. Then I slowly put all of it back together again. Someone could do a performance art thing like this, and the NY Times would give it a hundred boners in a review.
The other thing is that GG Allin was sort of a genius in an accidental, demented sort of way. He took what most musicians pretend to do and took it to the absolute logical limit. Some rock and roll pretends to be out of control and dangerous. He just gave up on playing music and physically assaulted the audience. He was also an absolute idiot and genuinely insane. At least he wasn't pretending though.

"Adventures of Sherlock Holmes"---Still watching it.

A. Daboub Covers Current Events

2008-11-20T02:00:00.003-06:00

"Pirates could be seen roaming on the upper deck of this vessel with guns and rocket-propelled-grenade launchers."
---Some Officials

What's the big deal about letting U.S. car companies go out of business? It's ridiculous to give these A-holes money. American cars are the absolute worst. I hate them. They take 1 million gallons of gas per mile of driving car-driving for cars driving. Hmmmm.

Would it be so terrible to not have 5,000 Ford Tauruses everywhere you look? I think American cars are uniformly trashy, even though my Mom drives them exclusively. There is a reason for this though: it is a remnant and sort of tribute to my grandfather's policy of refusing to buy Japanese or German cars. Japanese cars were out because he loved whales, and Japan continues to fight anti-whaling laws and all of that. Plus he was around during all of that WWII stuff; whatever that was. German cars were out because he was Jewish, and there was some minor conflict between the Jews and Germans at some point in the 30's and 40's. I think it was a dispute over who likes sauerkraut more. One time my grandparents were flying to Italy, and they had a layover in Germany. My grandmother steadfastly refused to step foot on German soil and wouldn't get off the plane at all. What a hard-ass.

So I say fuck American cars. Let them go out of business. Maybe all of the factory workers can get jobs at Jamba Juice. Or maybe they can become pirates.

I heard about these Somali pirates who captured a tanker ship full of oil. Pirates! How exciting is it that there are pirates, fucking pirates, in the world in this day and age? That is so awesome. I hope they get away with it. Maybe they could just keep the oil tanker. It has like 100 tons of oil or something. I want a boat full of oil.
Wow, this is like my current events day.

"Adventures of Sherlock Holmes"--- I am watching episodes of this show, and I have decided that I'm going to read some original Sherlock Holmes stories because I never did as a kid or whenever it is you're supposed to read them. I was shocked to find out that Holmes is some crazy junkie. In the story The Sign of Four, Watson comes in and Holmes is shooting speedballs.

Sherlock Holmes took his bottle from the corner of the mantel- piece and his hypodermic syringe from its neat morocco case. With his long, white, nervous fingers he adjusted the delicate needle, and rolled back his left shirt-cuff. For some little time his eyes rested thoughtfully upon the sinewy forearm and wrist all dotted and scarred with innumerable puncture-marks. Finally he thrust the sharp point home, pressed down the tiny piston, and sank back into the velvet-lined arm-chair with a long sigh of satisfaction.

I had no idea. The show is really good so far. Greg says that besides myself there is literally no one else who rents these British mystery shows other than old ladies. I don't know how I feel about that.

Encounters at the End of the World

2008-11-17T10:10:00.004-06:00

"The sea continuously jerks off."
---George Battaile

Someone was talking about having stocks, or something. I really don't want to miss the boat on getting a lot of money for no reason. There are 2 problems, though.

1. I don't have any money to invest. Will they take like 3 dollars a month? Or 200 one month and then 25 cents the next? I feel like in order to make any real money you have to invest in really risky companies or sketchy semi-illegal guys who have slaves in India that carry big rocks up hills, or something.

2. What if I invest a bunch of money and then the Mad Max scenario finally hits? It's going to be like 200,000 people lined up outside of Wall Street demanding their money, but their money doesn't exist anymore, and there are tons of little pieces of paper-bits flying around everybody in a tornado-thing.

I don't need that. So you either just give your money to a bunch of imaginary guys in suits or you spend it all now and bet on the end of the world. You could always try to prepare for the Mad Max apocalypse, I guess. You could invest strictly in gigantic jugs of gasoline and stock pile them in a fort and buy a bunch of metal spikes for your post-apocalyptic jacket outfit. It's hard to know what to do. Plus, do I need to get metal-spike outfits for the cats? These late 2000's are fraught with peril.

"Encounters at the End of the World"---New Herzog documentary about the end of the geographic world Antarctica, and a little bit about the other kind of end of the world as well. Not much about the end of the world actually, it was pretty subtle. Good movie. It was like a lot of his modern day documentaries with long shots of nature accompanied by ethereal droning music, and interviews with eccentric scientist types. Some highlights:
Herzog wondering why chimps or other animals of higher intelligence haven't learned to exploit lower intelligence animals. We see a painting of a monkey riding off into the sunset on a goat. (Did he commission a painter to paint a monkey riding a goat?) He also says he can't stand the feeling of sunshine on his skin. Sweet! I give it millions of stars.

Painting the White House Less White

2008-11-15T19:13:00.005-06:00

"I am writing this under appreciable mental strain, since by tonight I shall be no more. Penniless, and at the end of my supply of the drug which alone makes my life endurable, I can bear the torture no longer; and shall cast myself from this garret window into the sQualid street below. Do not think from my slavery to morphine that I am a weakling or degenerate. When you have read these hastily scrawled pages you may guess, though never fully realise, why it is that I must have forgetfulness or death."
---heavy shit from the man H.P. Lovecraft

So every black musician in history has one song about painting the White house black, right? Well, that Obama fellow better do it on his first day or there's going to be Hell to pay. The other thing: why is Barack Obama black? He's just as white as he is black. His mom was whiter than I am. She's from KANSAS. She was English, German, and Irish or something. But everybody says he's black. Let us refer as we always do to a Public Enemy song:

Fear of a Black Planet

You have to get to :54 to hear the Quote from guy that goes:

Black man, black woman, black baby
White man, white woman, white baby
White man, black woman, black baby
Black man, white woman, black baby

Who is this that they sampled? I can't figure it out. Anyway, Public Enemy rules. That was the first tape I ever bought, and I listened to it 1,000 times.

Last night I worked on a thing for Arthouse at Broken Neck. It is film footage for an art installation about punk rock by some English guy. I was in back loading film all night, but I heard the music. Loading is insane, my hands hurt from repetitive motion. Everything was going great until the very end when the 2 cameras caught up to me and I got the panic fear. One camera was without film for a couple minutes, but no one seemed to mind. I was set up in back and they had runners continuously running mags to and from the cameras to me. That's a crazy job.

"Up the Yangtze"--- Good documentary coming out on DVD Tuesday. I liked it a lot. It's about how they dammed up the Yangtze River in China, and how it caused millions to move out of the impending flood plain. The movie follows one family thus affected who send their daughter to work on a luxury cruise liner that is taking a "farewell cruise" up the Yangtze. It is crazy to see her dealing with the culture shock. Neither of her parents read or write, and she is learning English to cater to the tourists on the boat.

Sorry

2008-11-13T01:36:00.002-06:00

"An attempt has been made on her life by the skeleton, Aith"
--M.P. Shiel

I didn't write for some time owing to not being able to locate the E button on my keyboard. I found it under an urn in the West Garden, and so now all is as it should be.

I have nothing much to say, actually. I have been watching a lot of movies and trying to edit some video footage for fun. Bah, nothing to say.

"Tell No One"--- French movie I saw with Greg , Hannah, Mike Wachs at Dobie. I (what?) liked? it? (huh?) Improbable, yes. Impossible, no? I don't usually like modern-day French movies all that much. Not modern-day thrillers either. This movie was pretty great-ish. It was all exciting and stuff, and not stupid. And in this French way, there were a lot of "fuck you's" to the police. It was charming. Fuck the pigs, man. Right? There were only a couple of really annoying things. One was when this guy was drowning his sorrows with a big glass of vodka, and the soundtrack at the exact instant was a Jeff Buckley (Tim Buckley? eh, who fucking cares.) song with the words, "I drink too much," all heartfelt and stuff. It was embarrassing. They're French, what can you do?

"The Red Shoes"--- Whoa. This was one of the best movies I have ever seen. No shit. It even made me think that the Ballet is cool. What is happening to me? My grandparents would be trying to give my Hannukkah gelt right now just for saying that. That might not make any sense, but I'm tired, and there's a cat on my good typing arm. This movie has this character Boris Lermontov, who is like the one of the coolest guys of all time. And I have to give credit to Isaac Mizrahi in Unzipped for pointing out how baddass this movie is.

"Porcile"--- Passolini movie, good stuff. One guy likes effing pigs, one guy likes eating human flesh. We all win.

Happy Black Guy for President Day

2008-11-04T23:27:00.002-06:00

"Sometimes I think of all the places I don't wanna go. Then I think of all the things I never wanna do. I think of all the people I never wanna meet. I close my eyes and go to sleep"
---NOFX

Well, all the white people of Hyde Park are celebrating. They are out honking their horns, and shooting fireworks, and shooting speedballs into their arms, and drinking the blood of the Republicans in West Lake, all because their cool black friend is president. I have to admit that I'm happy too, although I tend to get nervous when I'm in agreement with the liberal fagéts of Austin. Everyone thinks they're so progressive for voting for Obama, well I did one better. I voted a straight negro ticket. Anyways, mazel-tov everybody. We have shown the whole world that less than half of us are retarded hillbillies who routinely talk to the Jesu Monster on the telephone. We can be proud.

Wow, so I thought I was going to spend all weekend riding around on mopeds and being stupid, but some fancy L.A. lady called today about a job. I am actually a little mad that I have to make money instead of going and having fun, but I'm so ridiculously broke that it's a fucking shame to the Jews. So I have no choice, goddamn it. How dare someone offer me a job. It's some reality show, that's all I know so far. Oh well, what're ya gonna do.

"NOFX - Ten Years of Fucking Up"---I took this home just because I have been feeling nostalgic for my high school punk rock days. It was a little disappointing actually. The whole fun of NOFX is that they are funny on stage and ridiculous. The video was just live footage with the studio songs laid over them, totally defeating the purpose. It was fun anyway. Goodnight my fellow Negroes.

Monday Night: Poo York and stuff

2008-11-04T00:18:00.011-06:00

" I saw at last a fearful truth which no one had ever dared to breathe before -- the unwhisperable secret of secrets -- that fact that this city of stone and stridor is not a sentient perpetuation of Old New York as London is of Old London and Paris of Old Paris, but that it is in fact quite dead, its sprawling body imperfectly embalmed and infested with queer animate things which have nothing to do with it as it was in life"
--H.P Lovecraft

Hannah and her band are going to Jew York to play 5 shows in 5 days. I have been hearing from a few people who live there that New York sucks now. I don't really want this to be true because I have a soft spot for the place. Basically I heard a lot of things about how safe and boring and predictable it is now. From what I can tell, it is now a New York themed amusement park with a Whole Foods in Union SQuare that all of the yuppies got giant boners about. I think people are possibly just caught up in this whole mythology about themselves living in this place so they end up trying too hard and being unbearable. I mean, you get a bunch of people from all over the country (including Iowa) who are like "I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna move to New York. See ya' later DubuQue." I moved there too, ya know. But it was way back in 2002 or some year like that. Plus I didn't try very hard to do anything but buy drugs in Tompkins SQuare Park. Woops. I have no point to make yet, I'm just a ramblin'man. I need to gather more information from the field.

Today, I went to Vulcan and pushed all the dvd's forward into the other room to make room for more dvd's so I can push them forward again later. Gratifying work.

"Lady in White"--- Hoe-lee shit, man. This is supposed to be a kid's movie I think, but it was by no stretch of the imagination a thing a kid should see. Right? Am I too protective of my kids I don't have? Maybe it's good for kids to see little girls strangled and thrown off a cliff? I don't know. Prepare them for upcoming Mad Max scenario around the corner? It was a good, scary, ghost story, and I don't usually like kids movies or fantasy stuff that much. It was charming and scary and good, ok? And there were a lot of Italians in it.

Sunday

2008-11-03T00:17:00.008-06:00

"The terrestrial globe is covered with volcanoes, which serve as its anus."
--- Georges Bataille

Hmmm, what happened? Tonight Greg and I went to Fiesta to see about getting some bad movies for 1 dollar. I bought a movie made in Czechoslovakia about a cat wearing glasses that make him see peoples' true selves.

See? Earlier in the evening Hannah, Mr. Shiv's, Greg, Mike Wachs and I went out to the suburbs to see the new Jonathan Demme movie at the Arbor. Man, I'm really spoiled by Alamo Drafthouse. I forgot how weird it is out there in the real world. Also, it was irresponsible to spend money on a movie ticket given how I have no money at all. Bah! I even spent 10 dollars on some migas at Trudy's afterwords. I'm dumb.

"Rachel Getting Married"---New Demme movie. Getting great reviews. I hated it. This movie made me sQuirm around in my seat a lot. It was super melodramatic, and everyone was always crying and freaking out. I just wanted everyone to shut up. Plus, a lot of it was like watching the boring wedding video of someone you don't know which includes all of the bad sappy jokes and heartfelt toasts to people who don't exist in real life. I kept mouthing the words "The End" to myself over and over again. One ridiculous thing about the movie was that the wedding party looked like a United Colors of Benetton ad or something. It was a white girl marrying a black guy, and all of the friends represented every race on God's Green Earth. It was inexplicably an Indian(India) themed wedding where the bridesmaids all wore sarongs, and everyone ate Saag Paneer. There was an excessive amount of time devoted to people dancing together at the wedding party, but don't worry because every culture in the world was represented musically by the DJ. While everyone was booty-dancing and joyously smiling together, suddenly a group of salsa dancers busted in (to everyone's delight) and did a little show. Yay! How fun! It was like the fantasy world of some middle aged, NPR listening white man who lives in Vermont or something. Yeesh.
For the record I listen to NPR whenever it's on for 5 seconds in-between the 15 hour stretches of white men playing the blues on KUT.

Please Kill Me...
Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories-H.P. Lovecraft...
Herzog on Herzog...
A´ Rebours-JK Huysmans...---This is for my own record keeping purposes, don't pay attention if you don't wanna.

no fun

2008-10-31T02:00:00.005-05:00

"meow"
--cat

i want to bitch about something else. these people and their Z's. "wordz" "funz" you know what i'm talkin' bout. i've been known to do this myself, but i started thinking about it after some dumb guy was making fun of it on his blog. what it actually is, though, is people being self-referentially over-white. like "i'm so white, it's ridiculous when i use this black slango talk." you get to show that you are aware of blackness, and that you know it's lame to try to be black if you're not at the same time. come to think of it, i don't care. i am going to keep doing itz.

it also really annoys me when people try to act like they are legitimately into hip-hop because it's really good. it's really not that good usually these days, and it's the same type of sensation as trying to convince people that Lost is great art.
the logic goes like this: "just let go and admit that goofy dancing to rap music and watching comic book movies are the best we can do. stop pretending to like art-films and esoteric things, we know you're just trying to be cool. we don't believe that you actually enjoy it."
People that say this are lazy or not that smart, and they feel really threatened by things they don't understand. they overcompensate by calling art films gay and boring.
sorry bout the ranting blog-man,
alex

more wacky-time products from A. Daboub

2008-10-30T01:50:00.003-05:00

"The last representative of an illustrious race, appalled by the invasion of American manners and the growth of an aristocracy of wealth, takes refuge in absolute solitude."
---J.K. Huysmans describing my plans for the weekend

Hey Constant Comment tea, will you shut the fuck up?

"The Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf"--- Uh, well you know. Greg brought this over. It's ridiculous. It has some of that werewolf/vampire confusion that happens in movies sometimes. For example, they go to Translvania in order to infiltrate headQuarters of werewolf operations. There are some gnarly werewolfian sex scenes with tufts of fur glued to nakeds who grossly do it. There is a shot of Sybil Danning ripping off her top at one point, and they show it 17 times (literally) in the closing credits highlight reel thing. "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." Or something.

Breakfast in the Dystopian Future

2008-10-27T01:15:00.006-05:00

"The Elect Transcend the World"
---Basilides

I suddenly remembered the other day that my entire childhood was spent eating this cereal called "Product 19."

See it's real. I thought i made it all up. (I'm trying to find it online to buy and eat.) Why didn't my mom or anyone else in my family ever mention or notice how weird this is? I never noticed until a few years ago, and then I started asking my friends about it, but none of them had ever heard of it. They all acted like I was crazy, because obviously there could be no such cereal with such a crazy name. was my mom some trailblazer or something, an avant garde genius?

I guess when you're a kid, the names of some things aren't really words in the sense we mean now, they're just sounds put together. You don't really stop to think as a kid what banana the actual word means, and you don't wonder what product 19 means either. It was just a mush in my head like "pradanynteen." That's how I regarded it as a word.

Then a few years ago, i was like "product 19?!" what kind of insane 1984 science experiment name is that? Scientists in white lab coats around chemical vials and a sterile container of cereal neatly labeled "product 19."

Scientist 1: "Jim, what is it?"
scientist 2 "We're not sure... a comet landed in a farmer's field, and three days later he found this stuff."
Scientist 1: "that would be funny if we sold it as cereal."
Scientist 2: "fuck you."

The other possibility is that capitalists have huge factories where they just churn out endless "products" of all kinds, and this one cereal just happens to be Product 19. So product 20 is like a chair, and product 18 is cunt rags. sorry.

Well, anyway when I told Greg about it, he said it sounded like what we will eat in the dystopian future after all the Mad Max shit goes down.

"Unzipped"---1995 documentary about Isaac Mizrahi coming out with a new collection of clothes? or however you say that. This is about the fashion industry which I care less about than a Gaultier seQuined turd, but I thought it might be interesting anyway...plus models or something. People in fashion strike me as sort of the worst people in the world. It's missing the point to just say that they are shallow, it goes way beyond that. Anyway, it's not a bad documentary, and I enjoyed it. Mizrahi comes off as not a bad guy actually, although like everyone else in the fashion world, he is a fucking parody of what you think of as a guy in the fashion industry, i.e. Quoting iconic gay movies all the time, pretending to be a diva, using lame catch phrases with his super ass-kissy, parroting assistants, and being self-absorbed. Does anyone actually care about Isaac Mizrahi anymore? I have no idea. I don't follow this shit.

crack

2008-10-26T00:16:00.005-05:00

"You wanna freebase I got them hovers for your ass
a boulder on your pipe and you can have a megablast"
---Queen of England

Geez, smoking crack's not that cool, what's the big deal? However, megablast is a really cool word, and it sort of makes me want to take a megablast and go to outerspace.
love,
alex

"Doctor Zhivago"--- I have been trying to watch as many David Lean movies as possible. This is one of the true epics, and it was truly epic. Epic-ly true? No. Not epic-ly true. I really enjoyed it a lot. It has tons of cool stuff about the communist revolution in Russia, Klaus Kinski has a small role as an insane anarchist in a train, lots and lots of snow, and Julie Christie being a badass. The only thing that bothered me is that it is one of those movies based on all these crazy coincidences. This might be the book's fault? I'm not sure. But it's like Russia's a huge country, right, and I don't believe you keep running into Julie Christie every five feet you walk.

Obama Commercial

2008-10-23T02:11:00.008-05:00

"achieves notable heights of cosmic fear"
---H.P. Loveman

Today I worked on an ad supporting the Obama campaign. It's sort of a "spec" ad because Obama isn't in it and didn't hire us to do it. It had the guy from that 90's hip-hop act "Black Sheep"...

Black Sheep video

In the thing Iworked on, he sings that song with revised lyrics about Obama and stuff, and it is all animated and about being over the war. I loved that song in the 7th grade, but I realized there is no way to tell Dres (of Black Sheep) this without being insulting. "Man I really loved that song you did 15 years ago." It is impossible to not convey the sense that I have no idea what you've been doing for the last million years. So I said nothing like a big coward, and he rapped in front of a green-screen and left. The End.

Then I went to Vulcan and worked and watched:

"Weather Underground"---Seemed like a good idea to watch something topical at work and so near the election. I'm doing my part to plant the seeds of doubt in O-bomba supporters. It's a good documentary, and the soundtrack is just this eerie buzzing noise, which is awesome. The thing that struck me the most was how much people used the word "motherfucker" in the 60's. (look in to it.) There were a lot of groups called the motherfucker-this and the motherfucker-that.

"24 Hour Party People" --- Happy Mondays part is worth the price of admission.

These are the Jews I Know

2008-10-20T01:16:00.013-05:00

"mirrors and copulation are abominable, because they increase the number of men."
---Jorge Borges

So today my jew friend from college Dave Cohen (cousin of gay-hero Andy Cohen of Bravo TV) came to visit from jew-florida. We ate and walked around at Whole Foods, and we talked about how we could never own a restaurant because we couldn't tolerate throwing away so much food. (That place is so overwhelming, they have like 500 of literally every food you can imagine, I can hardly go there because I just imagine all of the stuff people don't buy getting thrown away.) He told me about how when he buys like sandwich meat, he will be at work just imagining it getting older and older in his refrigerator, and he feels an overwhelming pressure to eat it all as soon as possible. What a Jew! I'm the same way though. Buying groceries is so stressful because I get it all home and immediately start trying to figure out what I have to eat first so it won't go bad. I need to make an eating schedule where it's like, "Monday: 2 bites apple, 3 spoons yogurt," and then I take the last bite of my groceries 10 seconds before it reaches its expiration date. That's excitement.
After that I went and had coffee with PJ at the Driskill, and there were fancy Austin Film Festival people everywhere. He was trying to convince me start working on a documentary project of my own, and giving me advice. Overwhelming. I need to settle on a subject. Hmmm. Butts?

I was thinking about this other Jew Sarah Silverman today. Why does she have so many of those baseball-type 3/4 sleeve shirts? She has an infinite regenerating baseball shirt machine? Is there a reason for this? Does it make your arms look longer? Shorter? Does she have odd-length arms? What the hey?

Crass Documentary --- Hell yeah, son.

"Snow Angels"-- Pretty good, although it has a lot of cheesy indie cliches and is remarkably depressing. Good snowy cinematography.

El Paso Theory

2008-10-19T02:12:00.011-05:00

"I killed my father, I ate human flesh, and I Quiver with joy."
---some guy

Dearest Bloggie,
I haven't written in a while. I went to this cave the other day with Hannah called Cascade Caverns, and it was retarded. When we walked in there was this kid wearing tight jeans, his septum was pierced, and all of these other terrible things I can't bear to think about. He completely interrupts the guy who was selling us tickets and said "Where are you guys from? Austin? You know Cory Smith(?) or Mark Jones(?) (some cracker names like these), they are like way into the scene." At that point I blacked out, but he kept going on like this for a while. I was just forcing myself to look away from him and stare intently into the eyes of the man selling the tickets. He was obviously embarrassed by the kid who was now saying that his friends are the "hosts of South by Southwest." I fled.

We went outside and were waiting for our tour guide under some flag poles. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe that guy was going to be our tour guide. I shuddered internally, but assured myself that no one would let such an idiotic cunt "guide" anything . Just then the door of the office opens, and I see this motherfucker, now wearing sunglasses and carrying a flashlight, walking towards us in slow motion. "I can't do this," I said. We literally almost got in my car and drove away, but some demonic force kept us rooted to the spot where we stood. He eventually was projected to us by black magick and sorcery, and his hideous voice once again bubbled out of his "mouth." He said, "Are you guys going to the CFI(?) show," or some bullshit like that. The gentleman continued, "They are an industrial-techno band with a punk edge." We said we had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He laughed with incredulity. "You don't know them!? How could that be?"

We began our descent into the cave. This was not a very good cave. There were pipes everywhere and cables and it was sort of trashy, if a cave can be trashy. I kept trying to steer the conversation towards the cave-related and away from stupid cracker-ass bands, weed, and every other retarded thing this small town asshole wanted to talk to us about. The problem was that he knew nothing about the cave. He kept pointing out rocks that looked like different things: this rock looks like Charlie Brown, and there is a turtle. At the end of the cave was a huge pool of blue water. He must have seen this pool 500 times in his cave tourguiding career. I asked why the water was this strange blue color, and it seemed as if he had never even noticed it or heard of pools of water in his life. This cave is run by the worst employees any business has ever had.

As we were ascending, we passed this other guide with a family. This guide says to our guide, "Heyman, I've gotta take off early, I'm gonna add my group to your group and take off." He was talking about them as if they weren't there. Ours says, "Noman, my girlfriend ran into a deer, I'm leaving too." They are arguing about having to deal with us, in front of us , and we are standing around looking at each other so embarrassed. It was awful, terrible horrible, I know nothing about that goddamned cave. All I learned is that small town teenagers are the worst shit in the world, and especially the ones who have ideas about being cool and escaping to the "big city." I swear, it's always these hillbilly cuntz who are the most annoying people you have to deal with because they are totally overcompensating for their provincial upbringing. I call this my "El Paso Theory" because whenever I see some idiot with stupid hair, trying way too hard with his wacky sunglasses, who has way too much reverence for gay ass rock and roll bands, I just know he is from El Paso or some place like that.

It's the same with gays sometimes. Most of the super flamboyant gays who look like they are trying to become the Platonic form of gayness with bleached hair and stuff come from small towns as well. They had to hide their gayness their whole lives or were picked on and now are letting it all hang out. This isn't always true, of course, but it happens a lot.
Look at this:

The thing is, I know that I will inevitably see that tour guiding nightmare at some place like Emo's in like 2 years, and I am dreading it, and it makes me want to wear a suit and vote for George W. Bush to be Emperor of the Universe Forever just because it is all so embarrassing and it just seems right to do the most reactionary thing I can think of.

Besides that, I went to a pumpkin carving party that was fun, and I figured out a new way to go back in time which I will talk about once I do a post about my list of ways to go back in time. I worked on an ad for Obama, and I am trying to figure out what a good subject for a documentary would be.

love,
alex

"Films of Kenneth Anger" I really enjoyed "Scorpio Rising." It's a good document of weird NY sleazy bikers in the 60's and some other stuff I'm too tired to remember right now.

"Sins of the Fleshapoids" I found it sort of boring but I should give it another chance.

"Neon Genesis: Evangelian" I'm a sucker for this one. It does incorporate so many of my favorite things: giant robots, it's post-apocalyptic, an underground city named Tokyo-3, Japanese school children, and a pet penguin. Come on.

sunday - the homeless

2008-10-12T21:30:00.014-05:00

"Children will always be afraid of the dark, and men with minds sensitive to hereditary impulse will always tremble at the thought of the hidden and fathomless worlds of strange life which may pulsate in the gulfs beyond the stars, or press hideously upon our own globe in unholy dimensions which only the dead and the moonstruck can glimpse."
---Howard Phillips Lovecraft

I went to Spiderhouse with Mike Wachs and Mr. Shivers today, and that's literally all I have done besides reading an interesting article about the internets....

I have always wondered at what exact moment a man becomes homeless, or something. I heard a song on the radio the other day that proposes one theory:
"Bad, Bad Whiskey" by Buddy Guy (here are some of the lyrics)

"I went out last night
Finally knocked myself outta sight
I got full of that bad stuff
And almost started a fight
Bad, bad whiskey
Bad, bad whiskey
Bad, bad whiskey
Made me lose my happy home
Made me lose my happy home"...

So I guess this guy had a totally valid house, went out, drank some bad whiskey, and forgot where he lived? That's terrifying. He has a perfectly reasonable house just sitting vacant somewhere, and he just has no idea where he left it. This has actually always been my theory, that homeless people just can't remember how to get back to their suburban homes. I always imagined these guys in suits, they leave the house to go to work, they lose their keys, get hit on the head, and they spend the rest of their lives wandering around becoming increasingly dirty and dilapidated looking. Their once fashionable and freshly pressed suits slowly turning into 1930's-era proper hobo costumes. They have floppy shoes, drink Cisco out of bags, and ride trains. For example, this man was once the president of the World Bank:

Scary shit.
For this reason I always draw a rudimentary map for myself before leaving the house. That's one thing I don't want to have to worry about.

I found an old video of one of my professors speaking about the areas of his expertise: namely, those well-known men who project movies from their penises:

Love,alex

I'm still watching The Larry Sanders Show - Season One DVD

TV on DVD

2008-10-12T05:32:00.008-05:00

Blog,

People are killing each other in the streets trying to get DVD's of the Wire season 5. I completely just made that up, but have you seen the look in the eyes of these Wire fans when you mention that show? A lot of people are really into this idea that TV isn't really TV if you are watching it on a DVD. I'm calling bullshit. I was one of these people. I have seen the light. If you watch enough of any soap opera(Lost, Six Feet Under, 24) it sucks you in, and at that point you no longer have any critical perspective on that show. You turn into a formless mass, and you will watch every episode forever until there aren't any more. I know from experience, OK? I feel like we're being lazy, and we should watch movies because they are almost always better than watching 500 episodes of Sex and the City. Can we not delude oourselves by saying that we are in a "GOlden Age of TV?" I'm done with my bombast, and I Love You, love face.
love,
alex

Saturday Night

2008-10-12T01:51:00.007-05:00

"Then we'd drink this concoction the Black Panthers called the "Bitter Motherfucker." It was half a bottle of Rose's lime juice poured into a bottle of Gallo port. So we'd sit down, smoke reefer, drink that, and shoot guns. I guess we thought, We're all gonna end up in a shoot-out with the Man, you know, we'll shoot it out with the pigs."
---Wayne Kramer

Dear bloggo,

I just found this video about this place in california where 700 cats live and it's no-cage, no-kill. I crazily just gave them 50 bucks because its really late, and seeing 700 cats on a youtube video is really disorienting in a very specific way. We should all now stay up until 5AM and watch youtube cat videos and then give them 50 dollars.
(ps. I'm not drunk)
love,
alex

The Larry Sanders Show: Season 1--- I've been talking tons of shit lately about people watching TV shows on DVD, but I'm making an exception for this. Garry Shandling is fucking hilarious and weird looking, bros, and it's cool to see all of these 90's-ass actors all in one place. The problem is that they only released one season on DVD for some reason. It's TV, yes, but it isn't the fucking Desperate Housewives ruining the minds of women everywhere forever.

Friday Night Wooo.

2008-10-10T17:25:00.011-05:00

"I have harnessed the shadows that stride from world to world to sow death and madness....Space belongs to me, do you hear?"------H.P. Lovecraft

lady of the blog,

So I think I'm going to work at Vulcan tonight. I'll be there to see all the video-couples. I've been working at Vulcan long enough to start to see some trends in the customers, and junk. On weekend nights we get a lot of people who are like in early stages of relationships who don't want to leave the house because they are so in L with each other. They hang all over each other and point out all of the movies that they like to each other. We don't get many single party people because they don't want movies. They are all restless and stuff so they go out to bars to try to find people that they can bring to the video store at a later date. There is also an in-between stage though, which gives us another genre of customers: drunk people who are at the video store as an excuse to go home together to make out. They were at bars and they guy said, "we should go watch a movie at my house." It's a perfect excuse. So we get drunk people who are kind of awkward with each other still, and they joke around a lot. I don't think it even matters what they rent because they won't make it through the opening credits anyway.
There's also regulars that are like dudes with beards, bro couples who like to watch movies, middle aged couples (with or without children), and nerdy people who don't want to go out anyway. Guess which I am.

Also, I joined the Austin Film Society yesterday. I'm going to try to meet fancy adults. Since I have vague plans to shoot a documentary sometime before I die, it seems like I should be an actual paying member of AFS. It's just what one does.

I changed the lightbulb in one of the headlights in Hannah's truck today. Who says Jews can't work on cars? I even got grease on my hands. whoa.

I have to go to work now.
love,
alex

"They Shoot Horses Don't They?"- I liked this movie even though it was really stressful, icky, and unpleasant to watch. I really didn't know Sydney Pollack could produce such an unrelenting piece of utter bleakness. In a good way.

"Moment to Moment" I've been trying to go back and watch every available Robert Downey Sr. movie. I was a little disappointed with this one. It didn't have much of his usual wacky half-jivetalk-half-Groucho Marx sense of humor.

"Chafed Elbows" Another Robert Downey Sr. I really liked this one. It's half stills with narration and half live-action. Really good 60's New York jive avant-garde scum-ball cinema. Robert Downey Sr. has this cool habit of always having people say"don't worry about it" in a beatniks sort of sense. I like it.

keep your laws off my Q's

2008-10-10T17:16:00.006-05:00

dear blog,
That title doesn't actually relate at all to what I'm going to write. Is that bad blog etiQuette? Oh my God... netiQuette?!! I can say netiQuette! What has my life become?
Anyway, as you can see, my Q button is busted. It only works when I do caps. So I figure how often do I need to use Q's anyway, right? It's my thing, I always use caps-Q's. I do have an elaborate way of getting regular Q's in a pinch: like if I have to write to a fancy adult or something. I misspell a Q word in Google and then it says "did you mean Quart?," or whatever. Then I copy and paste the lower case Q. It takes about 2 hours, but I think it's worth it. So that's all I have to say about Q's right now.

love,
alex

curry

2008-09-30T22:19:00.002-05:00

So yeah here it is. Its all happening. There comes a time in every man's life when he has to start his gay blog. This is my time. Our time. My time. I think I'm going to just tediously list everything that happens to me like a diary, and then if funny stuff happens (like pies) it will be bodacious and a bonus (like pies.)

Anywayz-orz. I made curry, and it's not so good. I don't know what went wrong, man. I had everything I need, I guess. It's spicy but sort of flavorless. You would think to make "curry" taste like "curry" you would just need to add more "curry." Not so, idiot. God you're dumb, you have to add other stuff too. Thank G-d I'm here. Seriously, I added a lot of curry paste, but that doesnt make it taste good; it just tastes spicy. You see the distinction. It is lacking something. My method of cooking the curry was a little dubious. I used no recipe, measured nothing, and was basically cooking the way Luke Skywalker would by which I mean I turned off my tracking system and just used the force.
The way I cook is that I take everything out that I think will in any way end up somehow relating to the thing I'm cooking. Then I put it all in pot and I put heat under it. I'm tired.

love,
alex