Cows, Flags, Run-DMC, Cannon Films

"Whiskey is now tested by the distance a man can walk after tasting it. The new liQuor called Tangle Leg is said to be made of diluted alcohol, nitric acid, pepper, and tobacco, and will upset a man at a distance of 400 yards."
--- Sir Richard Burton, The City of the Saints

I'm working on a movie in Dallas, and like all the movies I've worked on here, we're shooting in an abandoned ranch-house. So there are a lot of cows randomly wandering around while we're shooting and I can't stop looking at them. They have hypnotic powers. I find myself staring into their eyes, and attempting to contemplate their unfathomable souls. I think I understand why the Hindus like them. They are the zen masters of the barnyard.



Before I left Seattle I noticed that there are a lot of crosswalks which have these buckets of orange flags on either side. These are for people to pick up and use to alert cars that they are crossing the street. These Seattle people truly have no shame. Safety first!















There is this stencil-graffiti near my parents' house in Dallas that I have always really liked. I don't even like graffiti; I think it's the gayest poseur shit ever invented for white people to do. However, this one has always appealed to me. Really I just like it so much because I'm amazed that it has been there, undisturbed, for something like 20 years at least. Every time I come to Dallas I go by and make sure they haven't torn down that wall or that some little fuck-face hasn't tagged some scribbly bullshit over it. It is the bedrock of my life, and I'm pretty sure I'll die the day they tear down the wall.























Lifeforce --- I've been trying to watch a lot of the Cannon Group films. They were a production company started by these Israeli Jews named Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. They were basically responsible for every over-the-top awesome bad action movie of the 70's and 80's, including a movie called Over the Top which is a movie written by Sylvester Stallone about competitive arm-wrestling. Lifeforce is about space-vampires and the first third or so of the movie is a naked lady.

Over The Top --- Rather boring movie considering how excited I was to see it again. ( I saw it in the theater in 1987.) Sly Stallone plays a truck driving competitive arm-wrestler who is trying to reconnect with his son. He has a special arm-wrestling move called OVER THE TOP.

Cobra --- Oh yeah. Stallone wrote this too. I think he has the intellect and interests of an eight year old boy. He gives himself all of these dumb looking weapons and guns that look made up and like something a 15 year old nerd would draw. Dude has to track down a murder-cult(cool.)


Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus

Cats with Jobs

"All plans between men are tentative."
--- Jerry Seinfeld


I can't avoid talking about this anymore... My favorite thing in the world is when you go to some business and a cat lives there. This usually happens at places like book stores, but in Seattle it seems to happen in all kinds of places. Why is it so good? I think it's because it blurs the line between the worlds of commerce and non-commerce, home and work. You're out in the non-home scary world but then surprise you're also in a cozy living room with adorable kittens running around? Madness. What is what? Everything is permitted.
Also, do the cats stay there all night after the place closes? Do they live at work? I mean, what do you do; you have one at work and one at home? That seems creepy. You have cats in shifts? Work-cat clocks in, home-cat clocks out. What if they find out about each other? Jealousy.



I took this photo at night through the window of a safe-store. I think it's a safe-store. Anyway, there was a cat sleeping in there, and it looked like he broke into a safe. And then fell asleep.





It's even better when cats have a job. I want to hire a cat as my agent...


"Mr. Sniffles, did you get me that job on the new Spike Lee film? Oh hi, Alex, sorry it took so long to get back to you, I've been in LA for two weeks... meow"








Jerry Seinfeld - Comedian --- I've been going through this intense Seinfeld phase. I bought his book Seinlanguage, and it's SO GOOD. I'm serious. Look:




deal with that.







He's like a fucking philosopher. I can't believe he's so widely popular because he's soooo Jewish. People like Jews? I have a theory that he taps into the inner Jew of non-Jews, and they don't even know it. He literally has rednecks in Iowa eating bagels unwittingly and saying things like "Again with the cow-milking?" But the movie is a whole-nother thing. It's a documentary about him after the show Seinfeld is over, and he goes back out onto the road and tries to put together a whole new stand-up routine. Really interesting if you like comedy and stand-up comedy. You get to hear him say bad words, and also you hear Bill Cosby say "shit." So good. Plus, you see him hanging out with his wife. She's so Jewish, and I'm proud of him for not marrying some blond-shiksa-LA-bimbo. Sorry bimbos.

there's some problems...

"You are now admiring my beauty, which has overwhelmed many a woman, but sooner or later, you'll regret ever having given your love to me, for you do not know my soul." --- Maldoror



end of the world photo series: Seattle edition.






OK. this one isn't too bad. It has a sort of 3rd-world vibe that makes it pretty acceptable. Earth mother, I can dig it. Mother and Child Reunion, brother.










Then you have this little guy. I see these fucking dads walking around Seattle with their coffee, and their dogs, and they have baby-childs strapped to their fucking chests with crazy holsters and straps. "Having a child shouldn't get in the way of my normal routine." First of all sir, you literally have no balls left. I mean I'm like half-gay, but compared to these guys I'm essentially the eQuivalent of 5 million beer cans being crushed onto my own head forever on a loop in slow motion. You have NO DIGNITY SIR.








this is called the babybjörn or something. there is a lot of Scandinavian influence in Seattle. A good and bad thing. There is a horrible tendency amongst yuppies in general to get boners over anything from Sweden right? cars, furniture, etc. this is just that taken to its logical pussy-whipped Apocalyptic end. This guy really gets to me. He's a peach.










Ok I just found this while I was looking for the other photos. Did I miss this before? This has to be a joke? You people are getting OUT OF CONTROL. You have baby growing out of your chest? Lady, come on, please come on. Get on board with us. You're on the wrong train. You're going the wrong way. Where are you going? You're slipping away into a bad place.Bye, she's gone.














Stone --- Australian biker movie. Good. Duh. There is a part where this guy in an eye patch invokes satan which is the best thing i've seen in a while. it's at 0:55 in the trailer.

this movie reminded me of the simple joy of a 2 wheeled motor thing. I definitely need a pre-midlife-crisis motor bike. not necessarily a motorcycle but i need 2 wheels plus engine. i dont know why its so good, but it taps you in directly to the power of god. i can't explain it.

Fuck Indie Movies' Butts

If I see one more doodle-drawing fucking sQuiggly gay trailer for an indie movie about a wacky misfit who finds love I'm going to punch Dave Eggers in the cunt. Dave Eggers has a cunt and he is his own cunt. It's complex.






2 kinds of people in the world:

When I retire to Maine to write my memoirs

"I am the Author of certain memoirs"
--Anonymous

The secret to writing your memoirs is that you don't ever have to actually write your memoirs. If you come up with some good titles you are 99% there. You can make yourself sound really distinguished with the proper title...

I Figured Out Where Jesus Was Hiding: The Alex Daboub Story

Don't Forget to Floss: The Alex Daboub Story

I didn't know I had a Cousin: The Alex Daboub Story

You see what I mean?: The Alex Daboub Story




You see what I mean? You can write anything. It has weight when it's memoirs.


Under the Volcano --- Again I watched this. This time because I'm so far from Mexico and I miss the little guy. Good movie; drinking yourself to death never looked so good.

False Daboubs

"This is the real Daboub"
--Daboub


You can tell the real Daboub by his fur. Scientists have recently noticed that false Daboub sightings can be avoided by noting the differences in fur-color between individuals. Daboubs are basically tawny colored animals, but false-Daboubs have spots that fade as they grow.

Twin Peaks

"Don't mix the compost with the recycling"
---The Governor


I saw the Twin Peaks Waterfall, and I had coffee at the Twin Peaks diner place. Bob tried to rape me. He's silly! There were old people there. I bought a Twin Peaks map for 2 dollars from a high school student. It was basically written in crayon and had no relationship to the Earth- realm. I saw some stuff. It's paradise here: I'm rich, there's candy everywhere, fruit is freeeeeeeee, China town exists, I play Galaga. Water is wet.

The Space Needle is ubiQuitous and all powerful in this city. It is a looming nightmare that haunts every resident of Seattle. It is somehow around every corner, visible from every window in your house, underwater sometimes, and isn't properly adjusted for distance or perspective. I'm scared of it, and I think everyone else is too. It has Occult properties that I haven't come to terms with yet.
Frasier --- I OD'ed on the PNW at the moment I was drinking coffee and watching Frasier in Seattle. All the characters are introduced within the first 30 seconds of the pilot. It's brilliant. I have no idea what to say about Frasier. He's the doctah.