Fuck Indie Movies' Butts

If I see one more doodle-drawing fucking sQuiggly gay trailer for an indie movie about a wacky misfit who finds love I'm going to punch Dave Eggers in the cunt. Dave Eggers has a cunt and he is his own cunt. It's complex.






2 kinds of people in the world:

When I retire to Maine to write my memoirs

"I am the Author of certain memoirs"
--Anonymous

The secret to writing your memoirs is that you don't ever have to actually write your memoirs. If you come up with some good titles you are 99% there. You can make yourself sound really distinguished with the proper title...

I Figured Out Where Jesus Was Hiding: The Alex Daboub Story

Don't Forget to Floss: The Alex Daboub Story

I didn't know I had a Cousin: The Alex Daboub Story

You see what I mean?: The Alex Daboub Story




You see what I mean? You can write anything. It has weight when it's memoirs.


Under the Volcano --- Again I watched this. This time because I'm so far from Mexico and I miss the little guy. Good movie; drinking yourself to death never looked so good.

False Daboubs

"This is the real Daboub"
--Daboub


You can tell the real Daboub by his fur. Scientists have recently noticed that false Daboub sightings can be avoided by noting the differences in fur-color between individuals. Daboubs are basically tawny colored animals, but false-Daboubs have spots that fade as they grow.

Twin Peaks

"Don't mix the compost with the recycling"
---The Governor


I saw the Twin Peaks Waterfall, and I had coffee at the Twin Peaks diner place. Bob tried to rape me. He's silly! There were old people there. I bought a Twin Peaks map for 2 dollars from a high school student. It was basically written in crayon and had no relationship to the Earth- realm. I saw some stuff. It's paradise here: I'm rich, there's candy everywhere, fruit is freeeeeeeee, China town exists, I play Galaga. Water is wet.

The Space Needle is ubiQuitous and all powerful in this city. It is a looming nightmare that haunts every resident of Seattle. It is somehow around every corner, visible from every window in your house, underwater sometimes, and isn't properly adjusted for distance or perspective. I'm scared of it, and I think everyone else is too. It has Occult properties that I haven't come to terms with yet.
Frasier --- I OD'ed on the PNW at the moment I was drinking coffee and watching Frasier in Seattle. All the characters are introduced within the first 30 seconds of the pilot. It's brilliant. I have no idea what to say about Frasier. He's the doctah.