i want to bitch about something else. these people and their Z's. "wordz" "funz" you know what i'mtalkin' bout. i've been known to do this myself, but i started thinking about it after some dumb guy was making fun of it on his blog. what it actually is, though, is people being self-referentially over-white. like "i'm so white, it's ridiculous when i use this black slango talk." you get to show that you are aware of blackness, and that you know it's lame to try to be black if you're not at the same time. come to think of it, i don't care. i am going to keep doing itz.
it also really annoys me when people try to act like they are legitimately into hip-hop because it's really good. it's really not that good usually these days, and it's the same type of sensation as trying to convince people that Lost is great art. the logic goes like this: "just let go and admit that goofy dancing to rap music and watching comic book movies are the best we can do. stop pretending to like art-films and esoteric things, we know you're just trying to be cool. we don't believe that you actually enjoy it." People that say this are lazy or not that smart, and they feel really threatened by things they don't understand. they overcompensate by calling art films gay and boring. sorry bout the ranting blog-man, alex
"The last representative of an illustrious race, appalled by the invasion of American manners and the growth of an aristocracy of wealth, takes refuge in absolute solitude." ---J.K. Huysmans describing my plans for the weekend
Hey Constant Comment tea, will you shut the fuck up?
"The Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf"--- Uh, well you know. Greg brought this over. It's ridiculous. It has some of that werewolf/vampire confusion that happens in movies sometimes. For example, they go to Translvania in order to infiltrate headQuarters of werewolf operations. There are some gnarly werewolfian sex scenes with tufts of fur glued to nakeds who grossly do it. There is a shot of Sybil Danning ripping off her top at one point, and they show it 17 times (literally) in the closing credits highlight reel thing. "The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom." Or something.
I suddenly remembered the other day that my entire childhood was spent eating this cereal called "Product 19."
See it's real. I thought i made it all up. (I'm trying to find it online to buy and eat.) Why didn't my mom or anyone else in my family ever mention or notice how weird this is? I never noticed until a few years ago, and then I started asking my friends about it, but none of them had ever heard of it. They all acted like I was crazy, because obviously there could be no such cereal with such a crazy name. was my mom some trailblazer or something, an avantgarde genius?
I guess when you're a kid, the names of some things aren't really words in the sense we mean now, they're just sounds put together. You don't really stop to think as a kid what banana the actual word means, and you don't wonder what product 19 means either. It was just a mush in my head like "pradanynteen." That's how I regarded it as a word.
Then a few years ago, i was like "product 19?!" what kind of insane 1984 science experiment name is that? Scientists in white lab coats around chemical vials and a sterile container of cereal neatly labeled "product 19."
Scientist 1: "Jim, what is it?" scientist 2 "We're not sure... a comet landed in a farmer's field, and three days later he found this stuff." Scientist 1: "that would be funny if we sold it as cereal." Scientist 2: "fuck you."
The other possibility is that capitalists have huge factories where they just churn out endless "products" of all kinds, and this one cereal just happens to be Product 19. So product 20 is like a chair, and product 18 is cunt rags. sorry.
Well, anyway when I told Greg about it, he said it sounded like what we will eat in the dystopian future after all the Mad Max shit goes down.
"Unzipped"---1995 documentary about Isaac Mizrahi coming out with a new collection of clothes? or however you say that. This is about the fashion industry which I care less about than a GaultierseQuined turd, but I thought it might be interesting anyway...plus models or something. People in fashion strike me as sort of the worst people in the world. It's missing the point to just say that they are shallow, it goes way beyond that. Anyway, it's not a bad documentary, and I enjoyed it. Mizrahi comes off as not a bad guy actually, although like everyone else in the fashion world, he is a fucking parody of what you think of as a guy in the fashion industry, i.e. Quoting iconic gay movies all the time, pretending to be a diva, using lame catch phrases with his super ass-kissy, parroting assistants, and being self-absorbed. Does anyone actually care about Isaac Mizrahi anymore? I have no idea. I don't follow this shit.
"You wanna freebase I got them hovers for your ass a boulder on your pipe and you can have a megablast" ---Queen of England
Geez, smoking crack's not that cool, what's the big deal? However, megablast is a really cool word, and it sort of makes me want to take a megablast and go to outerspace. love, alex
"Doctor Zhivago"--- I have been trying to watch as many David Lean movies as possible. This is one of the true epics, and it was truly epic. Epic-ly true? No. Not epic-ly true. I really enjoyed it a lot. It has tons of cool stuff about the communist revolution in Russia, Klaus Kinski has a small role as an insane anarchist in a train, lots and lots of snow, and Julie Christie being a badass. The only thing that bothered me is that it is one of those movies based on all these crazy coincidences. This might be the book's fault? I'm not sure. But it's like Russia's a huge country, right, and I don't believe you keep running into Julie Christie every five feet you walk.
"achieves notable heights of cosmic fear" ---H.P. Loveman
Today I worked on an ad supporting the Obama campaign. It's sort of a "spec" ad because Obama isn't in it and didn't hire us to do it. It had the guy from that 90's hip-hop act "Black Sheep"...
In the thing Iworked on, he sings that song with revised lyrics about Obama and stuff, and it is all animated and about being over the war. I loved that song in the 7th grade, but I realized there is no way to tell Dres (of Black Sheep) this without being insulting. "Man I really loved that song you did 15 years ago." It is impossible to not convey the sense that I have no idea what you've been doing for the last million years. So I said nothing like a big coward, and he rapped in front of a green-screen and left. The End.
Then I went to Vulcan and worked and watched:
"Weather Underground"---Seemed like a good idea to watch something topical at work and so near the election. I'm doing my part to plant the seeds of doubt in O-bomba supporters. It's a good documentary, and the soundtrack is just this eerie buzzing noise, which is awesome. The thing that struck me the most was how much people used the word "motherfucker" in the 60's. (look in to it.) There were a lot of groups called the motherfucker-this and the motherfucker-that.
"24 Hour Party People" --- Happy Mondays part is worth the price of admission.
"mirrors and copulation are abominable, because they increase the number of men." ---Jorge Borges
So today my jew friend from college Dave Cohen (cousin of gay-hero Andy Cohen of Bravo TV) came to visit from jew-florida. We ate and walked around at Whole Foods, and we talked about how we could never own a restaurant because we couldn't tolerate throwing away so much food. (That place is so overwhelming, they have like 500 of literally every food you can imagine, I can hardly go there because I just imagine all of the stuff people don't buy getting thrown away.) He told me about how when he buys like sandwich meat, he will be at work just imagining it getting older and older in his refrigerator, and he feels an overwhelming pressure to eat it all as soon as possible. What a Jew! I'm the same way though. Buying groceries is so stressful because I get it all home and immediately start trying to figure out what I have to eat first so it won't go bad. I need to make an eating schedule where it's like, "Monday: 2 bites apple, 3 spoons yogurt," and then I take the last bite of my groceries 10 seconds before it reaches its expiration date. That's excitement. After that I went and had coffee with PJ at the Driskill, and there were fancy Austin Film Festival people everywhere. He was trying to convince me start working on a documentary project of my own, and giving me advice. Overwhelming. I need to settle on a subject. Hmmm. Butts?
I was thinking about this other Jew Sarah Silverman today. Why does she have so many of those baseball-type 3/4 sleeve shirts? She has an infinite regenerating baseball shirt machine? Is there a reason for this? Does it make your arms look longer? Shorter? Does she have odd-length arms? What the hey?
"I killed my father, I ate human flesh, and I Quiver with joy." ---some guy
Dearest Bloggie, I haven't written in a while. I went to this cave the other day with Hannah called Cascade Caverns, and it was retarded. When we walked in there was this kid wearing tight jeans, his septum was pierced, and all of these other terrible things I can't bear to think about. He completely interrupts the guy who was selling us tickets and said "Where are you guys from? Austin? You know Cory Smith(?) or Mark Jones(?) (some cracker names like these), they are like way into the scene." At that point I blacked out, but he kept going on like this for a while. I was just forcing myself to look away from him and stare intently into the eyes of the man selling the tickets. He was obviously embarrassed by the kid who was now saying that his friends are the "hosts of South by Southwest." I fled.
We went outside and were waiting for our tour guide under some flag poles. It suddenly dawned on me that maybe that guy was going to be our tour guide. I shuddered internally, but assured myself that no one would let such an idiotic cunt "guide" anything . Just then the door of the office opens, and I see this motherfucker, now wearing sunglasses and carrying a flashlight, walking towards us in slow motion. "I can't do this," I said. We literally almost got in my car and drove away, but some demonic force kept us rooted to the spot where we stood. He eventually was projected to us by black magick and sorcery, and his hideous voice once again bubbled out of his "mouth." He said, "Are you guys going to the CFI(?) show," or some bullshit like that. The gentleman continued, "They are an industrial-techno band with a punk edge." We said we had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He laughed with incredulity. "You don't know them!? How could that be?"
We began our descent into the cave. This was not a very good cave. There were pipes everywhere and cables and it was sort of trashy, if a cave can be trashy. I kept trying to steer the conversation towards the cave-related and away from stupid cracker-ass bands, weed, and every other retarded thing this small town asshole wanted to talk to us about. The problem was that he knew nothing about the cave. He kept pointing out rocks that looked like different things: this rock looks like Charlie Brown, and there is a turtle. At the end of the cave was a huge pool of blue water. He must have seen this pool 500 times in his cave tourguiding career. I asked why the water was this strange blue color, and it seemed as if he had never even noticed it or heard of pools of water in his life. This cave is run by the worst employees any business has ever had.
As we were ascending, we passed this other guide with a family. This guide says to our guide, "Heyman, I've gotta take off early, I'm gonna add my group to your group and take off." He was talking about them as if they weren't there. Ours says, "Noman, my girlfriend ran into a deer, I'm leaving too." They are arguing about having to deal with us, in front of us , and we are standing around looking at each other so embarrassed. It was awful, terrible horrible, I know nothing about that goddamned cave. All I learned is that small town teenagers are the worst shit in the world, and especially the ones who have ideas about being cool and escaping to the "big city." I swear, it's always these hillbilly cuntz who are the most annoying people you have to deal with because they are totally overcompensating for their provincial upbringing. I call this my "El Paso Theory" because whenever I see some idiot with stupid hair, trying way too hard with his wacky sunglasses, who has way too much reverence for gay ass rock and roll bands, I just know he is from El Paso or some place like that.
It's the same with gays sometimes. Most of the super flamboyant gays who look like they are trying to become the Platonic form of gayness with bleached hair and stuff come from small towns as well. They had to hide their gayness their whole lives or were picked on and now are letting it all hang out. This isn't always true, of course, but it happens a lot. Look at this:
The thing is, I know that I will inevitably see that tour guiding nightmare at some place like Emo's in like 2 years, and I am dreading it, and it makes me want to wear a suit and vote for George W. Bush to be Emperor of the Universe Forever just because it is all so embarrassing and it just seems right to do the most reactionary thing I can think of.
Besides that, I went to a pumpkin carving party that was fun, and I figured out a new way to go back in time which I will talk about once I do a post about my list of ways to go back in time. I worked on an ad for Obama, and I am trying to figure out what a good subject for a documentary would be.
love, alex
"Films of Kenneth Anger" I really enjoyed "Scorpio Rising." It's a good document of weird NY sleazy bikers in the 60's and some other stuff I'm too tired to remember right now.
"Sins of the Fleshapoids" I found it sort of boring but I should give it another chance.
"Neon Genesis: Evangelian" I'm a sucker for this one. It does incorporate so many of my favorite things: giant robots, it's post-apocalyptic, an underground city named Tokyo-3, Japanese school children, and a pet penguin. Come on.
"Children will always be afraid of the dark, and men with minds sensitive to hereditary impulse will always tremble at the thought of the hidden and fathomless worlds of strange life which may pulsate in the gulfs beyond the stars, or press hideously upon our own globe in unholy dimensions which only the dead and the moonstruck can glimpse." ---Howard Phillips Lovecraft
I went to Spiderhouse with Mike Wachs and Mr. Shivers today, and that's literally all I have done besides reading an interesting article about the internets....
I have always wondered at what exact moment a man becomes homeless, or something. I heard a song on the radio the other day that proposes one theory: "Bad, Bad Whiskey" by Buddy Guy (here are some of the lyrics)
"I went out last night Finally knocked myself outta sight I got full of that bad stuff And almost started a fight Bad, bad whiskey Bad, bad whiskey Bad, bad whiskey Made me lose my happy home Made me lose my happy home"...
So I guess this guy had a totally valid house, went out, drank some bad whiskey, and forgot where he lived? That's terrifying. He has a perfectly reasonable house just sitting vacant somewhere, and he just has no idea where he left it. This has actually always been my theory, that homeless people just can't remember how to get back to their suburban homes. I always imagined these guys in suits, they leave the house to go to work, they lose their keys, get hit on the head, and they spend the rest of their lives wandering around becoming increasingly dirty and dilapidated looking. Their once fashionable and freshly pressed suits slowly turning into 1930's-era proper hobo costumes. They have floppy shoes, drink Cisco out of bags, and ride trains. For example, this man was once the president of the World Bank:
Scary shit. For this reason I always draw a rudimentary map for myself before leaving the house. That's one thing I don't want to have to worry about.
I found an old video of one of my professors speaking about the areas of his expertise: namely, those well-known men who project movies from their penises:
Love,alex
I'm still watching The Larry Sanders Show - Season One DVD
People are killing each other in the streets trying to get DVD's of the Wire season 5. I completely just made that up, but have you seen the look in the eyes of these Wire fans when you mention that show? A lot of people are really into this idea that TV isn't really TV if you are watching it on a DVD. I'm calling bullshit. I was one of these people. I have seen the light. If you watch enough of any soap opera(Lost, Six Feet Under, 24) it sucks you in, and at that point you no longer have any critical perspective on that show. You turn into a formless mass, and you will watch every episode forever until there aren't any more. I know from experience, OK? I feel like we're being lazy, and we should watch movies because they are almost always better than watching 500 episodes of Sex and the City. Can we not delude oourselves by saying that we are in a "GOlden Age of TV?" I'm done with my bombast, and I Love You, love face. love, alex
"Then we'd drink this concoction the Black Panthers called the "Bitter Motherfucker." It was half a bottle of Rose's lime juice poured into a bottle of Gallo port. So we'd sit down, smoke reefer, drink that, and shoot guns. I guess we thought, We're all gonna end up in a shoot-out with the Man, you know, we'll shoot it out with the pigs." ---Wayne Kramer
Dear bloggo,
I just found this video about this place in california where 700 cats live and it's no-cage, no-kill. I crazily just gave them 50 bucks because its really late, and seeing 700 cats on a youtube video is really disorienting in a very specific way. We should all now stay up until 5AM and watch youtube cat videos and then give them 50 dollars. (ps. I'm not drunk) love, alex
The Larry Sanders Show: Season 1--- I've been talking tons of shit lately about people watching TV shows on DVD, but I'm making an exception for this. Garry Shandling is fucking hilarious and weird looking, bros, and it's cool to see all of these 90's-ass actors all in one place. The problem is that they only released one season on DVD for some reason. It's TV, yes, but it isn't the fucking Desperate Housewives ruining the minds of women everywhere forever.
"I have harnessed the shadows that stride from world to world to sow death and madness....Space belongs to me, do you hear?"------H.P. Lovecraft
lady of the blog,
So I think I'm going to work at Vulcan tonight. I'll be there to see all the video-couples. I've been working at Vulcan long enough to start to see some trends in the customers, and junk. On weekend nights we get a lot of people who are like in early stages of relationships who don't want to leave the house because they are so in L with each other. They hang all over each other and point out all of the movies that they like to each other. We don't get many single party people because they don't want movies. They are all restless and stuff so they go out to bars to try to find people that they can bring to the video store at a later date. There is also an in-between stage though, which gives us another genre of customers: drunk people who are at the video store as an excuse to go home together to make out. They were at bars and they guy said, "we should go watch a movie at my house." It's a perfect excuse. So we get drunk people who are kind of awkward with each other still, and they joke around a lot. I don't think it even matters what they rent because they won't make it through the opening credits anyway. There's also regulars that are like dudes with beards, bro couples who like to watch movies, middle aged couples (with or without children), and nerdy people who don't want to go out anyway. Guess which I am.
Also, I joined the Austin Film Society yesterday. I'm going to try to meet fancy adults. Since I have vague plans to shoot a documentary sometime before I die, it seems like I should be an actual paying member of AFS. It's just what one does.
I changed the lightbulb in one of the headlights in Hannah's truck today. Who says Jews can't work on cars? I even got grease on my hands. whoa.
I have to go to work now. love, alex
"They Shoot Horses Don't They?"- I liked this movie even though it was really stressful, icky, and unpleasant to watch. I really didn't know Sydney Pollack could produce such an unrelenting piece of utter bleakness. In a good way.
"Moment to Moment" I've been trying to go back and watch every available Robert Downey Sr. movie. I was a little disappointed with this one. It didn't have much of his usual wacky half-jivetalk-half-Groucho Marx sense of humor.
"Chafed Elbows" Another Robert Downey Sr. I really liked this one. It's half stills with narration and half live-action. Really good 60's New York jive avant-garde scum-ball cinema. Robert Downey Sr. has this cool habit of always having people say"don't worry about it" in a beatniks sort of sense. I like it.
dear blog, That title doesn't actually relate at all to what I'm going to write. Is that bad blog etiQuette? Oh my God... netiQuette?!! I can say netiQuette! What has my life become? Anyway, as you can see, my Q button is busted. It only works when I do caps. So I figure how often do I need to use Q's anyway, right? It's my thing, I always use caps-Q's. I do have an elaborate way of getting regular Q's in a pinch: like if I have to write to a fancy adult or something. I misspell a Q word in Google and then it says "did you mean Quart?," or whatever. Then I copy and paste the lower case Q. It takes about 2 hours, but I think it's worth it. So that's all I have to say about Q's right now.
