" Mother of this unfathomable world! Favour my solemn song, for I have loved
Thee ever, and thee only..."
---Creature
There's this bay up here called Dabob Bay. I'm pretty sure that when I die I have to be buried there in a Viking funeral where they put me in a boat, push me out into Dabob bay, and then 30 tons of dynamite is detonated, and I'm buried at sea.
So, the people here are WEIRD. Every single person is some white joke in fashion glasses. It's so North Face-ie up in here. Literally every other car is a Subaru station wagon. It's starting to make me really reactionary. Like I knew even before I got here that I had to play up my Southern-ness, but I now I'm thinking I have to become a full-on, right-wing separatist. They have a statue of Lenin on the street here, which is cool, but also makes me want to own a rifle and wear a bear skin outfit on the bus. Oh, and the white people are CRAZILY breeding up here. What the fuck? Everywhere else in the world, the whites are voluntarily dying off, and the Mexican and black teens are shooting baby-lazers everywhere. Not here my friend. The whites are so incredibly self-assured that they are wildly reproducing. Ew, it's gross, but for every bad thing here, my violent opposition to homo-whiteness becomes more intense and fun. There are a lot of really cool things here too. The food seems really good, there is like every type of Asian food ever on every corner, there is Afghan food, Cuban food, every food, and lots of good hippie foods for me to eat. There's this large body of water called "The Sea." Ok, it's more like a bay, but still. Unlike Texas, the Northwest has more than 3 types of plants. In Texas, there's like 2 kinds of trees and then there's grass. That's it. And finally, all around the city there are huge looming mountains in the distance. I think it's good to have at least one impossibly huge natural phenonena where you live. It's necessary to have a sense of the infinite close at hand. Without this, we go mad. Mountains work; the ocean works; the NY skyline sort of works in a backwards way I think. I'm not sure about that one.
The Great Escape --- This is one of those old-fashioned war movies where war is portrayed as some kind of fun joke. The Nazi's send Steve McQueen to solitary confinement for 20 days? No problem, he has a baseball glove and ball. It's like Hogan's heroes or something. It's pretty fun to watch though. I officially don't hate it or something.
Thee ever, and thee only..."
---Creature
There's this bay up here called Dabob Bay. I'm pretty sure that when I die I have to be buried there in a Viking funeral where they put me in a boat, push me out into Dabob bay, and then 30 tons of dynamite is detonated, and I'm buried at sea.
So, the people here are WEIRD. Every single person is some white joke in fashion glasses. It's so North Face-ie up in here. Literally every other car is a Subaru station wagon. It's starting to make me really reactionary. Like I knew even before I got here that I had to play up my Southern-ness, but I now I'm thinking I have to become a full-on, right-wing separatist. They have a statue of Lenin on the street here, which is cool, but also makes me want to own a rifle and wear a bear skin outfit on the bus. Oh, and the white people are CRAZILY breeding up here. What the fuck? Everywhere else in the world, the whites are voluntarily dying off, and the Mexican and black teens are shooting baby-lazers everywhere. Not here my friend. The whites are so incredibly self-assured that they are wildly reproducing. Ew, it's gross, but for every bad thing here, my violent opposition to homo-whiteness becomes more intense and fun. There are a lot of really cool things here too. The food seems really good, there is like every type of Asian food ever on every corner, there is Afghan food, Cuban food, every food, and lots of good hippie foods for me to eat. There's this large body of water called "The Sea." Ok, it's more like a bay, but still. Unlike Texas, the Northwest has more than 3 types of plants. In Texas, there's like 2 kinds of trees and then there's grass. That's it. And finally, all around the city there are huge looming mountains in the distance. I think it's good to have at least one impossibly huge natural phenonena where you live. It's necessary to have a sense of the infinite close at hand. Without this, we go mad. Mountains work; the ocean works; the NY skyline sort of works in a backwards way I think. I'm not sure about that one.
The Great Escape --- This is one of those old-fashioned war movies where war is portrayed as some kind of fun joke. The Nazi's send Steve McQueen to solitary confinement for 20 days? No problem, he has a baseball glove and ball. It's like Hogan's heroes or something. It's pretty fun to watch though. I officially don't hate it or something.
2 comments:
i really enjoyed reading this post, alex. when i first moved to tx i was so angry all the time. i think i was mainly angry about people named austin who live in austin. but now i find that kind of funny. the moral of the story is that it takes a long time to adjust to a new place.
I grew up in Austin, and the kid down the street from me was named Austin. This always bothered me.
We lived on a corner, and we had these terrible neighbors on one side. They hated children and dogs, so they moved to a house one mile away from an elementary school in the Eanes school district. They probably thought we were the worst neighbors ever. They built a twelve foot high privacy fence, we built a fourteen foot high playscape. They kept their pool perfectly maintained, and we played chase with our barking dog for hours. I guess its hard to sunbathe with all that racket.
Post a Comment