I am just a mirror.

"So it's basically like the same thing as Sanka?"
--- Alex Daboub moments before his death

I went into Starbucks today and they had a huge display right next to the register of their new instant coffee that they make. I didn't know about this. Is this a thing? So I was a little surprised and curious about it, and I wanted to ask the Starbucks people about it. What I hadn't realized until today was this: Starbucks employees are essentially in a crazy cult just like Macintosh employees are in a crazy cult. I made some offhand comment about Sanka, and it was just like when Paul Watkins and Brooks Poston left the Manson Family. I got the crazy murder eyes from Charlie behind the counter. Only it was like an uptight homo version of Charlie with health insurance. The cashier guy and also the "barista" guy laid into me with this creepy scripted type response about how Starbucks had come up with a new process and it was nothing like Sanka. They HATE Sanka. Don't say Sanka up in there. It sort of seemed like I was the 100th person who said it and they were really starting to get sick of it. You might be wondering why I was in Starbucks in the first place? Well, the reason is that in Seattle everything closes at like 6PM (especially in the Winter) and it was the only thing open. And also Starbucks is interesting because it's like an on-going science project where you can witness a bunch of marketing techniques as they are developed in real time. It's like peeping down into a board meeting from outer-space. Even more so in Seattle because this is where Starbucks started, and people are incredibly reverential about coffee here. Maybe Sanka's really good? Ok, bye.

Also, I just found this article, which explains everything.

Lady in a Cage --- This movie stressed me out so much but maybe it's because I watched it directly after all of this Starbucks shit went down. It's about a lady who gets trapped in her private elevator in her mansion. James Caan and a bunch of other criminals come and ruthlessly fuck with her and it's brutal. There's a lot of good melodramatic acting and cage symbolism. The prison is your mind, man.

Manson: In prison? What prison? You got a prison in your mind? You see what I'm saying? You're in prison, son. You're the one that's in jail because you think there is such a thing as a prison.

OUISCH

"Part of the plan for escaping during Helter Skelter reQuired the purchase of a very expensive gold rope that cost about three dollars a foot, and Charlie wanted a truck eQuipped with a winch and thousands of feet of this golden rope in order to dangle the Family down into the Hopi Hole during the end of the world." --- Ed Sanders from The Family

I feel like I should have already gone through this phase about 10 years ago, but I am in the middle of an intense Charlie Manson kick. As I read more and more about Charlie and The Family, I am starting to realize that I can't put this off any longer... I have to choose my favorite Manson Girl. After weighing considerable amounts of data, I have decided to go with Ruth Ann "Ouisch" Moorehouse. She has the coolest nickname and she didn't actually stab anyone. Those were my two reQuirements. Oh, and she put LSD in someone's hamburger to keep them from testifying in court. I'm always in favor of preventing testimony.

The Land that Time Forgot --- 1975 movie based on a book by Edgar Rice Burroughs. Lost at sea World War I sailors find a never explored island near the South Pole which still has dinosaurs and cavemen living on it. So good that I'm going to go watch it again right now. Bye.

Ouisch Ouisch

Cows, Flags, Run-DMC, Cannon Films

"Whiskey is now tested by the distance a man can walk after tasting it. The new liQuor called Tangle Leg is said to be made of diluted alcohol, nitric acid, pepper, and tobacco, and will upset a man at a distance of 400 yards."
--- Sir Richard Burton, The City of the Saints

I'm working on a movie in Dallas, and like all the movies I've worked on here, we're shooting in an abandoned ranch-house. So there are a lot of cows randomly wandering around while we're shooting and I can't stop looking at them. They have hypnotic powers. I find myself staring into their eyes, and attempting to contemplate their unfathomable souls. I think I understand why the Hindus like them. They are the zen masters of the barnyard.



Before I left Seattle I noticed that there are a lot of crosswalks which have these buckets of orange flags on either side. These are for people to pick up and use to alert cars that they are crossing the street. These Seattle people truly have no shame. Safety first!















There is this stencil-graffiti near my parents' house in Dallas that I have always really liked. I don't even like graffiti; I think it's the gayest poseur shit ever invented for white people to do. However, this one has always appealed to me. Really I just like it so much because I'm amazed that it has been there, undisturbed, for something like 20 years at least. Every time I come to Dallas I go by and make sure they haven't torn down that wall or that some little fuck-face hasn't tagged some scribbly bullshit over it. It is the bedrock of my life, and I'm pretty sure I'll die the day they tear down the wall.























Lifeforce --- I've been trying to watch a lot of the Cannon Group films. They were a production company started by these Israeli Jews named Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. They were basically responsible for every over-the-top awesome bad action movie of the 70's and 80's, including a movie called Over the Top which is a movie written by Sylvester Stallone about competitive arm-wrestling. Lifeforce is about space-vampires and the first third or so of the movie is a naked lady.

Over The Top --- Rather boring movie considering how excited I was to see it again. ( I saw it in the theater in 1987.) Sly Stallone plays a truck driving competitive arm-wrestler who is trying to reconnect with his son. He has a special arm-wrestling move called OVER THE TOP.

Cobra --- Oh yeah. Stallone wrote this too. I think he has the intellect and interests of an eight year old boy. He gives himself all of these dumb looking weapons and guns that look made up and like something a 15 year old nerd would draw. Dude has to track down a murder-cult(cool.)


Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus

Cats with Jobs

"All plans between men are tentative."
--- Jerry Seinfeld


I can't avoid talking about this anymore... My favorite thing in the world is when you go to some business and a cat lives there. This usually happens at places like book stores, but in Seattle it seems to happen in all kinds of places. Why is it so good? I think it's because it blurs the line between the worlds of commerce and non-commerce, home and work. You're out in the non-home scary world but then surprise you're also in a cozy living room with adorable kittens running around? Madness. What is what? Everything is permitted.
Also, do the cats stay there all night after the place closes? Do they live at work? I mean, what do you do; you have one at work and one at home? That seems creepy. You have cats in shifts? Work-cat clocks in, home-cat clocks out. What if they find out about each other? Jealousy.



I took this photo at night through the window of a safe-store. I think it's a safe-store. Anyway, there was a cat sleeping in there, and it looked like he broke into a safe. And then fell asleep.





It's even better when cats have a job. I want to hire a cat as my agent...


"Mr. Sniffles, did you get me that job on the new Spike Lee film? Oh hi, Alex, sorry it took so long to get back to you, I've been in LA for two weeks... meow"








Jerry Seinfeld - Comedian --- I've been going through this intense Seinfeld phase. I bought his book Seinlanguage, and it's SO GOOD. I'm serious. Look:




deal with that.







He's like a fucking philosopher. I can't believe he's so widely popular because he's soooo Jewish. People like Jews? I have a theory that he taps into the inner Jew of non-Jews, and they don't even know it. He literally has rednecks in Iowa eating bagels unwittingly and saying things like "Again with the cow-milking?" But the movie is a whole-nother thing. It's a documentary about him after the show Seinfeld is over, and he goes back out onto the road and tries to put together a whole new stand-up routine. Really interesting if you like comedy and stand-up comedy. You get to hear him say bad words, and also you hear Bill Cosby say "shit." So good. Plus, you see him hanging out with his wife. She's so Jewish, and I'm proud of him for not marrying some blond-shiksa-LA-bimbo. Sorry bimbos.

there's some problems...

"You are now admiring my beauty, which has overwhelmed many a woman, but sooner or later, you'll regret ever having given your love to me, for you do not know my soul." --- Maldoror



end of the world photo series: Seattle edition.






OK. this one isn't too bad. It has a sort of 3rd-world vibe that makes it pretty acceptable. Earth mother, I can dig it. Mother and Child Reunion, brother.










Then you have this little guy. I see these fucking dads walking around Seattle with their coffee, and their dogs, and they have baby-childs strapped to their fucking chests with crazy holsters and straps. "Having a child shouldn't get in the way of my normal routine." First of all sir, you literally have no balls left. I mean I'm like half-gay, but compared to these guys I'm essentially the eQuivalent of 5 million beer cans being crushed onto my own head forever on a loop in slow motion. You have NO DIGNITY SIR.








this is called the babybjörn or something. there is a lot of Scandinavian influence in Seattle. A good and bad thing. There is a horrible tendency amongst yuppies in general to get boners over anything from Sweden right? cars, furniture, etc. this is just that taken to its logical pussy-whipped Apocalyptic end. This guy really gets to me. He's a peach.










Ok I just found this while I was looking for the other photos. Did I miss this before? This has to be a joke? You people are getting OUT OF CONTROL. You have baby growing out of your chest? Lady, come on, please come on. Get on board with us. You're on the wrong train. You're going the wrong way. Where are you going? You're slipping away into a bad place.Bye, she's gone.














Stone --- Australian biker movie. Good. Duh. There is a part where this guy in an eye patch invokes satan which is the best thing i've seen in a while. it's at 0:55 in the trailer.

this movie reminded me of the simple joy of a 2 wheeled motor thing. I definitely need a pre-midlife-crisis motor bike. not necessarily a motorcycle but i need 2 wheels plus engine. i dont know why its so good, but it taps you in directly to the power of god. i can't explain it.

Fuck Indie Movies' Butts

If I see one more doodle-drawing fucking sQuiggly gay trailer for an indie movie about a wacky misfit who finds love I'm going to punch Dave Eggers in the cunt. Dave Eggers has a cunt and he is his own cunt. It's complex.






2 kinds of people in the world:

When I retire to Maine to write my memoirs

"I am the Author of certain memoirs"
--Anonymous

The secret to writing your memoirs is that you don't ever have to actually write your memoirs. If you come up with some good titles you are 99% there. You can make yourself sound really distinguished with the proper title...

I Figured Out Where Jesus Was Hiding: The Alex Daboub Story

Don't Forget to Floss: The Alex Daboub Story

I didn't know I had a Cousin: The Alex Daboub Story

You see what I mean?: The Alex Daboub Story




You see what I mean? You can write anything. It has weight when it's memoirs.


Under the Volcano --- Again I watched this. This time because I'm so far from Mexico and I miss the little guy. Good movie; drinking yourself to death never looked so good.

False Daboubs

"This is the real Daboub"
--Daboub


You can tell the real Daboub by his fur. Scientists have recently noticed that false Daboub sightings can be avoided by noting the differences in fur-color between individuals. Daboubs are basically tawny colored animals, but false-Daboubs have spots that fade as they grow.

Twin Peaks

"Don't mix the compost with the recycling"
---The Governor


I saw the Twin Peaks Waterfall, and I had coffee at the Twin Peaks diner place. Bob tried to rape me. He's silly! There were old people there. I bought a Twin Peaks map for 2 dollars from a high school student. It was basically written in crayon and had no relationship to the Earth- realm. I saw some stuff. It's paradise here: I'm rich, there's candy everywhere, fruit is freeeeeeeee, China town exists, I play Galaga. Water is wet.

The Space Needle is ubiQuitous and all powerful in this city. It is a looming nightmare that haunts every resident of Seattle. It is somehow around every corner, visible from every window in your house, underwater sometimes, and isn't properly adjusted for distance or perspective. I'm scared of it, and I think everyone else is too. It has Occult properties that I haven't come to terms with yet.
Frasier --- I OD'ed on the PNW at the moment I was drinking coffee and watching Frasier in Seattle. All the characters are introduced within the first 30 seconds of the pilot. It's brilliant. I have no idea what to say about Frasier. He's the doctah.

I ate Glass?

"I ate glass"
---Alex "Bolo" Daboub


I haven't written in forever. I think I'm brain dead. All I think about is money and jobs and getting jobs and whether I have too much time to think about jobs.

Cooked some noodles. I bought this dubious paste from an Asian grocery store named "black bean chili." Andrew told me to. I cooked a recipe he gave me that involves noodles and shrimp and vegetables. So I cooked it, and it tasted really great, but I wasn't banking on biting into literal GLASS. There are pieces of ground up glass in it. No jokez. I blame the black bean chili paste because it's from China, and China is mostly glass. Fuck you China! Cheenore. First Tiananmen SQuare and now this. You're really blowing it.

F.T.W.

The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years --- Obviously good. Why even ask? L.A. is sleazy. L.A. used to be more sleazy by a factor that is incalculable. This movie is about hair-metal dudes. It's the bottom of the barrel of culture. It's just like The Decline of Civiliztion Part 1 but no one ever says anything funny or smart. (except Lemmy from Motorhead)

More About What Southern Blacks Eat

“Cannabis is the Divine Inheritance given to all people by Mother Earth so that we may unlock the mystery of the many and varied messages of the Pure One”
--- uhhhhhh,I don't know. John F. Kennedy??


I'm here to talk to you about polk salad, aka poke, pokebush, pokeberry, pokeroot, polk salat, polk sallet, pokeberry, or inkberry. Jesus, stop naming it already. Of course, this is another thing Andrew told me about. This should just be his blag and not my blagh. In any case, the pokweed is an herb which grows in the southern United States, ya heard me. It contains deadly poison. Back in the olden days black folks and southerens didn't have too much to eat. Somehow they figured out that if you boiled pokeweed like a million times it removed enough of the deathpoison that they could choke it down. They decided to call it polk salad and poke and about 500 other names. Isn't that bonkers? Some people decided that it had medicinal properties, and I totally agree. Also, the fucking United States Declaration of Independence was written in pokeweed-berry-juice-ink, so show some respect. Jesus. It's called wikipedia, deal with it.
Oh, and this too:




90210 --- Brandon, that fucking cad, of course tries to have ANOTHER romance with an inappropriate chick. This time it's a woman of undetermined middle-age who turns out to be dating a married sports promoter. Oh Brandon, when will you ever learn? As usual, if he would have listened to Dylan's cryptic advice about her, he could have saved himself a lot of gay-heartbreak. Just start listening to Dylan, idiot. He's like a surfing Confucius with a sports car. Dylan, in an occult death-pact with Allah, surfs too close to the sun and nearly bites it. He ends up with broken ribs, hanging out in his gay pajamas, and in Brenda's house because Mrs. Walsh feels sorry for him. I mean, he's practically a bastard-child. Most mystics are. What's happening to me?


Whatever Works --- Uh, I just heard that Larry David is the star of the new Woody Allen movie. This could be the defining cultural moment of my life or a total disaster. I'm sceeeered.

Some Things to Think About

"Haile Selassie I, the former, and final, Emporer of Ethiopia is the incarnation of God, called Jah or Jah Rastafari"
--- My Mom

Black folks often will say "Ya heard me?!" in New Orleans after a sentence. Like, "I want to eat some rice, ya heard me!?" It's the eQuivalent of white folks who say, " I want to eat some seaweed, ya know what I mean?!" Which brings me to another point: black folks eat rice. I heard southern blacks eat a lot of rice. For some reason this really surprises me. I just can't imagine it. So, are black people in the South the new Asians? Then what are Southern Asians eating? Do they eat carrots? Who eats carrots? What do carrots eat?

I live on the 2nd story of this house in Seattle. There's a lot of weirdos who pass under my windows all day. Most of them wear little skateboards as a hat and obscure their faces with peanut butter. Some of the bigger ones are making toast to pay off their student loans.

Dixie Dynamite --- Warren Oates is this drunk guy who races motorcycles for money. His friend makes moonshine all day and has two sexpot southern daughters who run around in little shorts and pigtails. All pretty straightforward so far, right? So the man comes down on the father and kills him in a shootout involving the feds. Uh, then a bunch of other shit happens to the daughters until they get pushed OVER THE EDGE, son. At that point, they steal a couple of motorcycles and a bunch of dynamite, and they go on a Bonnie and Bonnie style crime spree across the South blowing shit up with the dynamite. Can you imagine a better plot for a movie than that? And then Oates is like, "Fuck The World."

Head North West pt. 2

Redwoods. Northern California. Taken by a wood nymph.














There was a lot of this.











My only friend. Going 80 and taking a picture is hard.

Head North West

"There is no god but God, Mohammed is the one true prophet."
---Shahada

So I drove from L.A. to Seattle alone, and it was EPIC. There were times when I thought I had always been driving my whole life, and that that's all there ever was. I slept in my car somewhere in the Redwoods area of Northern California. I had to wait until it was getting light though, because it's so terrifying, secluded, and Quiet out there. I was sure bigfoot or a serial killer would immediately snatch me up if I stopped in the night. I stopped relatively often just to walk out into the woods or down onto some beach. I collected:

2 rocks from the beach in Southern California
1 pine cone from Big Sur
some mysterious good smelling plants from the side of the road
1 fern frond from the redwoods

If I would have kept driving, I'm pretty sure my car would have been filled with plants and rocks. By what magical mechanism did I take all of these shameless photos of myself?

I'm in L.A.

"If you stare too long into the abyss, eventually the abyss will begin to stare back"
--- (something like that, I'm paraphrasing) Fred Nietzsche


I'm half way to Seattle. Stopped off in L.A. for few days. Toby and I stopped in Joshua Tree:








Joshua Tree is a weird alien landscape like you're literally on Mars. It's bad-butt.













Now I'm in L.A. There's all these damn plants here. So much luxuriating plant life that it's hard to know how to handle it. There is this duality though where everything in L.A. seems overgrown with the sheer abundance of plant-life spilling over everywhere, but at the same time, it seems to all be dying away and unhealthy. I guess it's partly because nothing here grows naturally. It's supposed to be a big dead desert, but they artificially threw a crazy city here anyway. Like the city is overgrown with vibrant plants that are also all dying. I brought this up to my friend, and he told me that it is rumored that all palm trees in L.A. are supposed to be dying in the next few years. The story goes that all the palms were planted roughly 70 years ago, and that is also about the expected life-span of those trees. So they are all starting to die off. Could be a total lie.

So tomorrow I'm leaving for Seattle with possible stops in Big Sur and places like that. I wanted to go The La Brea Tar Pits and throw in a microwave or something. If you translated "The La Brea Tar Pits" into straight English, it would be: "the the tar tar pits." I've told this joke 100 times today.

Also there are more ads for more movies here than anywhere else I have ever seen in my life combined. Toby said it's like preaching to the choir. I certainly don't get it. I'm sure it's some sick incestuous Hollywood marketing thing where they have to prove to themselves that they are really trying. They have to justify their own exorbitant advertising budgets to the other suits, and that. I imagine some dudes driving around in convertibles deciding whether some other guys in convertibles are doing a good enough job with all the ad money for Transformers 2. If they subliminally see enough bill boards and bus ads then they feel pretty good about things, and they can comfortably go back to thinking about speed boats.

Ace of Spades

"You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live forever"
---Lemmy

I'm driving to Seattle tomorrow forever or a while, or something. Well in any case, I'm leaving Austin once again for an unknown amount of time, maybe forever. The last thing I have to deal with is moped. I need money really bad, and I don't know how I'd get it up there, but it's just so fun ride a 2-wheeled motor thing. It helps if you sing the lyrics to Ace of Spades in your head and be really reckless. How can I recreate that feeling if I sell? I'd have to drive my car with my head out the window, or something. I'm so confused.


Nashville --- So murky and brown and 70's that it's like a brown murky 70's pool of slop. I mean that in the best possible way. It's one of those Altman movies that are just of bunch of weird shit happening instead of like a plot broken up into scenes. Jeff Goldblum plays a silent weirdo who does magic tricks and drives this:









The movie is roughly about Nashville in the 70's, including the world of country music and all of that biz. Elliot Gould makes an appearance as the actor Elliot Gould. Meta-Gould.

Austin --> L.A. --> Seattle -->

"Either you dig me or you don't"

--- Keanu Reeves

I'm in Austin making final preparations to leave for Seattle. Does anyone want all of my belongings in the world? On Friday, Toby and I are heading West in my car, and I'm dropping him of in L.A. where he will become famous. I'm going to hang out in L.A. for a few days, try to locate everyone who was in The Decline of Western Civilization, and then drive onwards to Seattle. I want to stop at the following places:

White Sands, New Mexico
Joshua Tree
Big Sur
Yosemite
Some rich lady's house

Are there other places between here and Seattle that are worth visiting? I'm open to suggestion. Also, if someone wants to name an object that they need, maybe I have it, and I'll give it to you. I'm trying to be completely merciless and get rid of as much of my stuff as possible. I'm toying with the idea of selling my moped as well, even though the idea of losing it is like a dagger to my heart.


Communion --- So good that I've now seen it three times in about a month. It walks a fine line between absurdity and genius. Still can't do a good Walken impersonation. It's infuriating. One of the best parts is when Walken asks one of the aliens if he can smell him. "Can I smell you? Are you old?" So good.

Diabolical Signature

"A diabolical signature is the signature of a devil, demon or similar spirit, usually used in order to sign your soul away."
--- My Attorney Barry Silverman

So I just finished working on this reality show called "Camping with the In-Laws." It's going to be for Lifetime. They made me sign this:























That seems normal right? It's written in backwards Latin and several demons' names are listed. I guess I should have a lawyer look at it. All I know is that it's over, I'm slightly richer, my soul slightly deader, and my back hurts a lot.

Communion --- Christopher Walken playing a writer in New York who keeps getting abducted by aliens, and they touch his bottom. Really cool. This is the most Walken I've ever seen Walken get. It's like a Walken overdose. I have been trying so crazily hard to master an impression of him and it is literally impossible. His true nature is elsusive. His speech pattern is bizarre-o. It's like part Brooklyn tough guy but with this alien weirdo delivery like he's choking or something. It's so frustrating. I wish there was a class at Austin Community College devoted to mastering Walken. The movie has hilarious lines where Walken is talking to aliens and being carted off to their spaceship. The aliens themselves look really cool, and are not CGI or any gay shit like that. Good movie.
Note: Walken wearing underwear and cowboy boots.

Everyone: Get Gayer

"Je suis l'Empire a la fin de la decadence - I am the empire at the end of the decadence" --- Paul Verlaine

Here is a visual representation of what Seattle is like:















Add to this: women mowing lawns with electric lawnmowers, men cowering in fear, glasses, 35 year olds doing cabaret on every block, good beer, responsibility, famed Subarus, bicycle helmets, precocious children, new wave hot dogs, heavy metal, recycling, luxuriating plant life, beards, early bedtimes, the Devil, wee-wee, and hummus and you've it pretty much figured out.

It's like the good guys won and they don't have anything to fight for anymore so they turned into fat mush, and they enforce insane regulations on each other for kicks. It's Animal Farm.

I got on the internet today... ON A PLANE!!!!!!!!!!! I am the future. Cower before me! It's a thing. You can do it too. It costs money but it is the future.

Track of the Cat --- Robert Mitchum chases a black panther (actual panther) around with a gun for 1 whole movie. His family stays behind and talks about stuff and drinks whiskey. Really good. Technicolor. If I wasn't so tired, I could say smart stuff.

I need a Job

AUDIENCE MEMBER: I wanna know what you are trying to contribute to society.
EL DUCE: Well, I'll tell ya. A bunch of illiterate children. Children without a father.


Shows here in Seattle all start at 8 PM and they cost between 12 and 15 dollars, at least. It's fucked. It's symptomatic of how people here are pussies in some ways. Also they are a bunch of highly educated white people who feel so guilty all of the time that their whole lives consist of worshiping: gays, rap-music, stupid fucking graffiti "art", liberated female sexuality, and they let their children be their bosses. This place is turning me into a reactionary NRA member. I mean 2 of that list of things are pretty good, but when you get a bunch of sQuares with Subarus together to watch some ugly girls do Cabaret, it can get bleak.

Ninth Configuration --- Fuck it. I can't explain. Not good but has biker scene at end. If you have to watch any of this, make it the end.

Beverly Hills 90210 Andrea Zuckerman is growing on me. Brandon is a total fag (which means straight). Dylan reads Lord Byron and is a surfing hard-ass. Brenda did stand-up comedy, it was DUMB.

Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? --- Oh man, what a piece of crud. This is one of the worst things ever. Total 60's self-indulgent madness from one of the most most unlikeable people I have EVER seen on a screen of any kind ever. I was warned that this was bad, but I had no idea. Highlights: Milton Berle dressed in red robes holding a headless sacrificial chicken.

Caged Heat --- Best thing that the hack Jonathan Demme ever did. Probably one of the most canonical of the "women in prison" movies. Less boobs and girl-fighting than one would expect. Not bad.

Get Gorp

"...whores, all of them. Decadent little monsters, I need to find me some loose ass, I love women."
--- El Duce, from The Runnin' Kind


There's an unusually large number of cults and weird UFO worshipers up here in this neck of the woods. Just an observation we've made.




The Runnin' Kind --- Another LA punk rock movie. This one's about a guy who is a yuppie college student in Akron, Ohio who meets a punk chick and moves to LA. These movies always remind me of how weird and cool LA can be. The best part is when El Duce makes a cameo appearance as a drunk guy at a sleazy punk party. The main guy turns out to be such a homo non-punk that it's pretty hilarious. He is supposedly hanging out with the grimiest punks in LA, but he's all worried about his mommy seeing him with a mohawk or something. Then he gayly decides he wants his friend to take his picture so he can "remember this night forever."

Beverly Hills 90210 --- My friend Andrew has every episode on some bookleg discs he got from the internet gods. Did you know that if you buy the official DVD release of this, they took all of the original music out and replaced it with modern day lame-ass Nelly and bullshit like that? Like they thought modern audiences couldn't hang with listening to 90's music. That's the whole point of the show is to immerse yourself in the culture of being an early 90's high-school student and burying your face in the bossom of Brenda Walsh. So as far as I can tell, you have to get behind Steve Sanders early on.

Craigslist

"Devil, get thee behind me." --- Jeebu

So, I'm a weird Craigslist creep now. In the past week I have bought: a bicycle, 3 super 8mm projectors, and a ticket for My Bloody Valentine. Who am I? Seattle! Let go of meeeeeeeeeee.

I heard on the radio about these dudes from the 50's called the Brooklyn Thrill Killers. They were 4 Jewish teenagers who were neo-Nazis, and they had Hitler mustaches. They got really into going to the park and attacking people with bull-whips. What? Then they killed a couple of people and 2 of them went to jail. They were influenced by comic books. I think this is reason enough to ban any future production of those brain-dead comic book movies the kids seem to love so much. I can't tell yet if it's cool to be a neo-nazi Jew. I'll try it this week and get back to you.


Six Thousand Dollar Nigger a.k.a. Super Soul Brother --- So Zach and Lars from The Alamo Drafthouse were here this weekend on some movie-showing tour. This movie was ridiculous. It was like an even more low-budget Dolemite with a poor-man's Rudy Ray Moore, this guy Wildman Steve. Pretty sleazy and fun.


















Deadly Spawn --- Another really low-budget movie, but way different. This one's a favorite of nerds and horror weirdos. It's the standard slimy aliens eating people formula, but they did some legitimately cool stuff with it.

Dudes

"They don't like it when you watch their women eat" ---Alex Daboub

I saw a black cop riding a segway here, and I just felt bad for his mama. I wanted to cry for her.

Leah told me it bothered her that in Austin there are dudes named Austin, which is a thing, but what if I meet a dude here named Seattle? What could happen?





Dudes --- Jon Cryer playing a sort of unconvincing punk in the vein of Penelope Spheeris' other punk movies Suburbia and The Decline of Western Civilization. This movie starts out so strong and then sort loses it half-way through. Flea is in the 1st third, and he plays a legitamtely charming punk dude. The idea for this movie is some punks go the wild west and have to become gun fighting cowboys. It's supposed to be like a punk rock western. It doesn't Quite work somehow, although it's a really good idea. Lee Ving plays the villain, which is fun. Cryer's a homo.

Sherman Williams: Please Calm Down

We all know by now that I am reasonably assured about the Mad Max End of the World Scenario 2.0.

My friend Andrew pointed this out to me:





That's Andrew cowering in fear.






Sherman Williams is a paint company who apparently plans to literally cover the entire Earth with red paint. This seems like a really overly ambitious business model to me. What kind of megalomaniac CEO do they have over there?

"No!!!! We must cover the entire fucking Earth with paint!!!! Heil!!!! Red paint, you cowards! We must load it into canons and fire it across the ENTIRE globe!! Nothing short of a literal ocean of red paint will satisfy me!"
---- Christopher M. Connor, Vice-Chairman and Chief Executive Officer Sherman Williams Paint Co.

Seattle's Alright If You Like Subarus

New York's Alright If You Like Saxaphones --- by FEAR Song




Here's what Seattle looks like:

Bellingham, WA

"You guys look like a bunch of faggots to me."
--- Drunk Native American guy to me and 2 friends in Bellingham, Washington


This past weekend I went to Bellingham, WA to visit my friend Jacob. It's cool there. It's like a really small, super-hippie, University town with lots of weird-whites. Supposedly, a whole bunch of serial killers are from there. There are a bunch of drunk Indians on the streets and weird meth-ie kids hanging around downtown being icky. There is an awesome place where they only sell potato or beef pireogi's and the only other thing in there is a record player and tons of dollar-bin records. You can change the records as much as you want. It's cool.
Here's pictures:
this is the place. very simple.







Detail of records and record player.

Dabob Bay and other P.N.W. Things

" Mother of this unfathomable world! Favour my solemn song, for I have loved
Thee ever, and thee only..."
---Creature

There's this bay up here called Dabob Bay. I'm pretty sure that when I die I have to be buried there in a Viking funeral where they put me in a boat, push me out into Dabob bay, and then 30 tons of dynamite is detonated, and I'm buried at sea.

So, the people here are WEIRD. Every single person is some white joke in fashion glasses. It's so North Face-ie up in here. Literally every other car is a Subaru station wagon. It's starting to make me really reactionary. Like I knew even before I got here that I had to play up my Southern-ness, but I now I'm thinking I have to become a full-on, right-wing separatist. They have a statue of Lenin on the street here, which is cool, but also makes me want to own a rifle and wear a bear skin outfit on the bus. Oh, and the white people are CRAZILY breeding up here. What the fuck? Everywhere else in the world, the whites are voluntarily dying off, and the Mexican and black teens are shooting baby-lazers everywhere. Not here my friend. The whites are so incredibly self-assured that they are wildly reproducing. Ew, it's gross, but for every bad thing here, my violent opposition to homo-whiteness becomes more intense and fun. There are a lot of really cool things here too. The food seems really good, there is like every type of Asian food ever on every corner, there is Afghan food, Cuban food, every food, and lots of good hippie foods for me to eat. There's this large body of water called "The Sea." Ok, it's more like a bay, but still. Unlike Texas, the Northwest has more than 3 types of plants. In Texas, there's like 2 kinds of trees and then there's grass. That's it. And finally, all around the city there are huge looming mountains in the distance. I think it's good to have at least one impossibly huge natural phenonena where you live. It's necessary to have a sense of the infinite close at hand. Without this, we go mad. Mountains work; the ocean works; the NY skyline sort of works in a backwards way I think. I'm not sure about that one.


The Great Escape --- This is one of those old-fashioned war movies where war is portrayed as some kind of fun joke. The Nazi's send Steve McQueen to solitary confinement for 20 days? No problem, he has a baseball glove and ball. It's like Hogan's heroes or something. It's pretty fun to watch though. I officially don't hate it or something.

Sir Mix a Lot: representative of Seattle

"The Gods so loved him while he dreamed"
---Browning (Yeats?)



Sir Mix a Lot is from Seattle:


















Motherfucker uses the Space Needle as his microphone. What a hard-ass. I had this tape when I was in junior high, so everything has finally come full-circle.

AC/DC: Let There be Rock --- I'm not a huge fan of this band, but when their singer was still Bon Scott they were hilariously the most rock and roll entity that has ever existed. The man is a big drunk Australian hick with a denim vest. The extent of his song writing is to either compare himself to electricity or explosives and then tell you how hard you are about to rock.

turkey leg bone fence & ambiguous seattle sign

"Fuck this. Let's go do some crimes" ---Duke


I went out to West Texas for a job about a week before I came to Seattle. We pulled over at one point to shoot these oil wells and desert and I saw a strange thing: there was a dried out turkey or chicken foot attached to the fence. It looked like this:






















and this:














What is this? Is this voodoo? I was thinking maybe it was crazy black magic to keep people away from the oil wells? I didn't go in there because I don't want the heebie-jeeeebers. Does anyone know if I'm going to die now from looking at it?

Also: now I am in Seattle, and I saw this weird sexually ambiguous road sign. Comme ca:

What? Seattle, chill out. So apparently, this person is against people who have boobs, an arrow dick, make-up, wearing a skirt, and are carrying a tampon. Of course.








Repo Man - One of the really cool punk rock movies that remind me of being in high school. (Suburbia, Decline of Western Civilization, etc.) I really like how intensely Los Angeles this movie is. Watching it gives you such a feeling of sleazy LA-ness in the 80's. I love it. It has this weird sci-fi L.A. Quality that there are millions of secret sordid things happening just below the surface of the city, and that's what I like about L.A. It's hard to buy Emilio Estevev as a punk at first, becasue his clothes are nice and clean and pressed, but he sort of works into it. I eventually accept him as sort of one of those Marine-punks who are all clean and tough looking. He has a badass gay-little-earring in this movie.

In the Field

"Taking a close look at what's around us, there is some sort of a harmony, it is the harmony of overwhelming and collective murder." ---Werner Herzog on the Jungle

I'm in Fort Stockton, TX at the La Quinta Inn watching Bill Maher on HBO. I am here working on some shoot. We start tomorrow morning, but I still don't know what what we are shooting.

Let's see what brother Herzog has to say:




Unknown Passage - The Dead Moon Story --- Sometimes badly made but still interesting documentary about the band Dead Moon. I hate rock documentaries in general, I only sort of like this band, but I still liked this movie. Dead Moon are sort of my ultimate fantasy of what the Northwest is like. They are all hairy and shlumpy and flanneled and stuff. What makes this an interesting movie is the couple who make up 2/3 of the band Fred and Toody Cole. They have been married forever, and they built their own house, music store, ghost town, and actually manufacture their own records with some sort of ancient vinyl pressing machine that they keep in their house. The sheer energy of the man Fred Cole is what makes this a compelling movie. He is a remarkable sort of person, and its not in a super-lame "inspiring" way.

I Rode Amongst the People (spell-check remix)

My Moped, previously broken down for 2 months, crazily started tonight for no reason. I took it out amongst the people, and it was FUN, A cop guy cunt yelled at me the following, "that's a motor vehicle, obey the rules of a motor vehicle, stop!!!!" So I stayed behind a car for about 2 blocks and then burned off because they can't touch me. I'm invincible. I rode everywhere. It was insane. Black people either love or hate mopeds. They react, that's for sure. I think they were a bit jealous of my sheer mobility. The cop-cunts were, that's real, son; They know I could easily get away from them. Bwaaa!!!!!!!
Anyway, HEB accidentally made this great batch of poppy-seed bagels, that are the best ting I've ever tasted. You can tell its an accident because they are slightly burned, bigger than usual, have risen more (arisen more), are darker brown, slightly burned (perfectly), and are delicious. Fudge off ya' fucks.
Love ramble nutz.

I rode amonngst the People Drunk

My Mped, prviously broken down for 2 months, crazly started tonight for no reason. I took it out amongst the people, and it was FUN, A cop guy cunt yelled at me the following, "that's a motor vehivcle, obey the rules of a motor vehicle, nooooo stoooopppppppp" So I stsyed behind a car for about 2 blocks and then burned off becasue t hey cnat touch me on my moped. I'm ionvincible. I trode evertwehere. It was insane. Black peple leither love or hate mopeds. They react, thats for sure. I thinkt hey were a bit jealous of my sheer mobilirt. Th ecop-cunts were, thats for sure ;They knoew I could Eeaaaaasssssilyyy get away from them.. Bwaaa. Ny way, HEB accidentlly made this great batch of poppy-seed bagels, that are the best ting iVe ever tasted. You can teelll its an accindent baecause they are slightly burened, bugger htan usual, have risen more, aare darjer brown, slightly burned?, and are delicious1. Fudge off ya fucks,. l
LOve ramble nutz.

51st Post Anniversary Show

Greg showed me this, so it's not my fault:





And then the blessed Jesus of music videos:



Check out 1:50. It's called EDITING.


Monsters Vs. Aliens --- Laaaaaaaaaaaammeeeee. I walked out to make a phone call in the middle for like 15 minutes. Toby made me go, and wouldn't tell me what we were seeing until we got to the theater. It was real boring and dumb, but it did awesomely have a Wilhelm Scream in it.

Wilhelm Scream

I was Born a Ramblin' Man

"The Man From Mars" costume is on permanent display at the San Gabriel Police Department.
Here is a song about him:
Forest Ray Colson - The Hex Dispensers

I like Racial Humor and the End of the World

"Psychedelic long-haired mutant-jissomed peace leftists will consort with known dope fiends, spilling out onto the sidewalks in pornape disarray each afternoon....Two-hundred thirty rebel cocksmen under secret vows are on a 24-hour alert to get the pants of the daughters and wifes and kept women of the convention delegates."
---some yippie pamphlet regarding the Democratic National Convention


Today is just going to be a list of things I like or might like:
---Continued spending money on my credit card. It's just a Discover card so every time I walk in to a business, I have to say "do you take Discover?" It's annoying.

---I realized today that all of my favorite things involve the Apocalypse. The good old cleansing fire sweeping over the world. I think we had a fair shot, and we blew it. Let's give fire a chance. I think civilization reached it's high-water mark during the late 19th-early 20th century. You know, like when it was still possible to be a gentleman and not have to drive a hummer and date one of the Olson twins. We live in barbaric times. A man can't even have a decent opium habit or mistress without everyone losing their damn minds.

---I like the idea of race in general, not just racial humor. Race is one of the last interesting taboos we have. Everybody is secretly uptight about it, and we can't help it. I just thought I should explain why I'm always talking about Negroes and the Jews and those fun-loving Irish people and all of that.

--- I like this website about famous trials. Particularly the part where Abby Hoffman is in court. Also this overview with some funny parts.


Sunshine Cleaning --- This movie was produced by the same people who did Little Miss Sunshine. They are obviously trying to cash in on name recognition the way they do in politics. It makes me sad that people are so dumb that they will just blindly go to a movie because a word in the title vaguely reminds them of some other film experience they drunkenly ambled into. People are sooooooooo lazy about what movies they go see. Jesus Christ people, can we pull it together a little bit? They are doing the same thing by releasing that movie called Funny People. Sounds like that other movie Smart People, doesn't it? Also, they catch lazy people by releasing two movies at the same time that are about the same exact thing. In this way Mall Cop=Observe and Report, Armageddon = Deep Impact, etc. That being said, this wasn't a terrible movie. It was total Sundance bait, but not bad. It's one of those Quaint family dramas that make boring white liberals happy by reaffirming their place in the world. "Look at the cute and Quirky weirdo who just doesn't seem to fit into society. What a wacky, beautiful world we all live in." This movie isn't as bad as what lies behind it: The creeping black death of unbearable movie executives trying to recreate a former success by meticulously following a formula. This is not a proper way to produce art.
The more I think about, I am realizing that this movie was REALLY similar to Little Miss Sunshine. It has a little kid in it who is a social outcast and weirdo, it has Alan Arkin as wacky grandfather, and there is even a great deal of emphasis placed on a VAN. I think it was actually better that Little Miss... though. It reminded me a lot of a movie called You Can Count On Me.